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12 min 36 sec
Available in:Englishไทย

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age

A Christian guide to love at every stage of life, showing how security in God's love changes the way you spend single years, choose a partner, prepare for marriage and live inside one.

Table of Content

If you have ever felt that being alone means something is missing, Ben Stuart wants to change how you see it. In Single, Dating, Engaged, Married, the Washington, D.C. pastor argues that people who feel short of love tend to love badly, the way panicked divers fight over one air tank. His answer, written for Christians, is to start from God’s love, which he says no human relationship can match.

From that security, each stage of life gets its own purpose. Singleness becomes time to grow, dating a careful search for a companion, engagement a preparation for marriage, and marriage a shared mission. Stuart blends personal stories, observations about culture and Bible teaching. Whatever stage you are in, you will find a clear question to ask yourself and a calmer way to approach love.

Two divers share one working air tank far below the surface, and what usually happens next is not what they were trained to do. Stuart sees the same panic in how many people look for love.

A dull present on Christmas morning can turn out to be the one you are most grateful for months later. Stuart argues that the season many people resent hides freedoms they will never have in quite the same way again.

A partner can share every belief you hold and still leave the relationship flat, or light you up and still pull you apart. Stuart offers a two-part test, and a warning about the way modern dating trains us to choose.

Rings, registries and seating plans can swallow every spare hour of an engagement. Stuart thinks that time is meant for something else, and the conversations he recommends are the ones many couples would rather postpone.

Stuart takes on one of the most resisted passages in the Bible and argues it describes a partnership, with a heavy demand placed on husbands. His picture of marital freedom starts with fish and birds.

Before turning to the four stages of life, Stuart opens with an image of scuba divers who panic and fight over oxygen when a tank fails. Panic about love makes people grab, compare, rush and withdraw. Security in God’s love, as he describes it, lets them share the air. That is why his advice for single people, daters, engaged couples and spouses ends up sounding alike: take your eyes off what you lack and fix them on what you are for.

The book supports a few concrete habits. Before you go looking for love, spend time receiving it, in the unhurried prayer and scripture reading that a single season makes possible. When you date, weigh both character and chemistry, and refuse to treat a person like an item in a shopping cart. When you get engaged, give the hard conversations about money, families, past wounds and future dreams more hours than the seating chart. And once married, move toward your partner on the days you would rather pull away.

Stuart’s picture of a good relationship is two runners on the same course, glad of each other’s company, both still looking at the same finish line.

About this book

What is this book about?

Many people treat romance as a hunt for the missing piece that will finally make them whole, and they carry that hunger into every stage of their love life. Ben Stuart, a pastor who spent years leading a Bible study for college students, argues that the hunger itself causes the trouble. People who feel short of love grab at it, while people who feel full of it are free to give. Writing for Christians, Stuart roots that fullness in God's unconditional love and then follows it through four seasons. Singleness becomes a gift of time for undistracted devotion. Dating becomes a search for a companion, judged on both character and chemistry. Engagement becomes preparation for a marriage, with four tests and practical steps on families, money and shared dreams. Marriage becomes a mission, shaped by Stuart's reading of the Bible's teaching on the roles of wives and husbands. Readers get scripture, personal stories and pointed questions for whatever stage they are in, illustrated with images that stick, from a scuba diving emergency to a pair of Christmas socks.

Book Information

Rating:

Genre:

Religion & Spirituality, Sex & Relationships

Topics:

Dating, Marriage, Religion

Publisher:

HarperCollins

Language:

English, ไทย

Narrator:

Walter

First published:

January 1, 2017

Pages:

288

Length:

12 min 36 sec

Get the book:

Amazon

Who it's for

  • Christian singles feeling stuck

    Christian singles who feel their time alone is wasted or on hold.

  • Young adults who date

    Young adults who are dating and unsure how to judge a partner's character and fit.

  • Engaged couples and newlyweds

    Engaged and newly married couples who want to prepare for the marriage, beyond the wedding day.

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About the Author

Ben Stuart

Ben Stuart is the pastor of Passion City Church in Washington, D.C. Before that, he spent eleven years as executive director of Breakaway Ministries, a weekly Bible study for college students at Texas A&M. He holds a master's degree in historical theology from Dallas Theological Seminary and has also written Rest & War: Rhythms of a Well Fought Life and the Bible study This Changes Everything. With his wife, Donna, he aims to help people grow in a lifelong walk with God.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

2.8

Overall score based on 107 ratings.

What people think

Listeners find the book’s Christian guidance to be reliable, with one listener mentioning that it provides goals for each stage of life. The author earns positive marks, with one listener describing him as a really funny author. Additionally, the dating advice is seen as practical and applicable, with one review noting how it covers every major stage in relational life.

Top reviews

Andrei

Ben Stuart has a way of making the often-complicated world of Christian dating feel manageable and grounded in purpose. Rather than giving a list of rigid rules, he offers principles that help you navigate from singleness all the way to marriage. I loved how he framed the 'single' season as a time for undivided devotion to God—not just a waiting room for the 'real' stuff to start. His humor kept me engaged throughout, and his realistic take on the dating process was a breath of fresh air compared to older, more legalistic books. There were a few points where the gendered language felt a bit traditional, but the core message remains powerful: seek the North Star first, and everything else follows. It is practical and deeply convicting.

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Caleb

Does the world really need another book on Christian relationships? After reading this, I’d say yes, if it’s this one. Stuart creates a beautiful mixture of truth and love without ever sounding holier-than-thou or overly preachy. He tackles the 'distraction' of dating and marriage head-on, reminding us that every season has its own unique way to glorify the King. Personally, I found the section on engagement to be the most helpful, as it moves past the fluff and gets into the grit of preparation. He doesn't shy away from the hard stuff—conflict, purity, and purpose. It’s a book that calls you to a higher standard and challenges you to change your heart. Truly life-changing if you're willing to do the work.

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Cholada

Wow, what a refreshing take on the Song of Songs. I’ve always found that book of the Bible confusing, but Stuart uses it as a literal model for how romance should develop. Some critics might say he takes it too literally, but I found his application of the 'chambers' and the 'mare' very insightful for defining roles and boundaries. This book isn't just for people in relationships; it’s for anyone who wants to ensure their life is oriented around the right things. The emphasis on clarity in dating was especially helpful for me. No more 'hanging out' indefinitely! Stuart pushes for intentionality, which is exactly what our generation is lacking. It’s bold, scripturally rooted, and very practical.

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Somporn

Picked this up because I’m an Aggie and love Ben’s humor, but I stayed for the convicting truths about how we treat our significant others. He isn't afraid to be funny, yet he never sacrifices the gravity of the gospel. The book provides very clear goals for each stage of life, which I desperately needed. I especially appreciated the dating section; he defines it as a process rather than a permanent status, which removes so much of the anxiety. Some might find his style a bit 'youth group,' but his sincerity is undeniable. It’s a quick read that doesn't feel like a lecture, which is rare for this genre. Gig 'em! Definitely recommend to anyone trying to navigate the messiness of relationships.

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Logan

Everything in this book points back to the 'North Star' of seeking God’s glory above our own romantic satisfaction. Stuart does an excellent job of showing how the gospel informs our most intimate decisions. I read this while engaged, and it sparked so many great conversations with my fiancé about our future home and ministry. He has a way of being succinct and to the point while still feeling warm and relatable. While I agree with other reviewers that it feels a bit geared toward the 18-25 crowd, the wisdom is timeless. It’s a solid reminder that marriage isn't the ultimate goal—Jesus is. Whether you’re single or married, this book will encourage you to live for something bigger than yourself.

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Yanin

Finally got around to reading this after seeing it everywhere on my feed, and I have to say, the hype is mostly justified. The author is really funny, which makes the heavier theological points go down a lot easier. I particularly enjoyed how he broke down the dating phase into actionable steps rather than just vague 'spiritual' advice. However, I noticed some of the 'Desiring God' crowd influence in how he interprets scripture, which can be a bit prescriptive at times. To be fair, if you’re looking for a literalist roadmap, this is perfect. If you prefer a more poetic approach to the Song of Songs, you might roll your eyes at a few of his interpretations of the 'chambers.' Overall, it’s a relevant and realistic guide for the modern believer.

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Lillian

The chapter on singleness was okay, but the dating and engagement sections are where Stuart really shines. He writes with the energy of someone who has spent years in college ministry, which is both a strength and a weakness. It's great for high-energy motivation, but it can feel a little 'padded' in places with stories that don't always land. Still, his argument that dating is a process to determine compatibility—not a status to stay in forever—is a game changer. I felt like he could have spent more time on the purpose of singleness beyond just 'having more time,' but his focus on the 'North Star' of Jesus keeps the book from becoming just another self-help manual. Good, but not quite perfect for every age group.

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Pete

Look, the advice here is solid, though the tone can sometimes feel like a youth pastor trying a little too hard to be 'one of the guys.' If you can get past the occasional cheesy illustration, the meat of the book is actually quite profound. He dives into the Song of Songs to pull out models for romance, and while some of his literal applications felt a bit quirky, the underlying sentiment is biblical. I also have to give a heads-up about the chapter on porn; it’s heavy and might be triggering for some, but it’s a necessary conversation for today’s culture. It’s a 4-star read for me because it’s practical but sometimes lacks a deeper theological nuance for older adults beyond the reformed perspective.

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Hannah

Truth is, I was nervous to read this after the whole 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' deconstruction era, but Stuart manages to avoid being legalistic. He emphasizes that God doesn’t promise us a spouse, but He does promise Himself. That’s a hard truth to hear, but it's vital. The book is structured logically, making it easy to skip to the section relevant to you, though reading the whole thing provides a good 'roadmap' for the future. I did think some of the mission trip examples were a bit simplistic regarding finances, but the overall theological foundation is sturdy. It’s a great resource for anyone wanting to honor God with their heart and their habits. Highly recommend for small groups or those needing clarity.

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Vimolwan

As a single woman in her late 20s, I went into this hoping for a profound theological defense of my current season, but I left feeling a bit like a second-class citizen. Stuart clearly has a heart for ministry, but his assumptions about single people having endless time and money felt incredibly outdated in today’s economy. Not everyone who is single is just 'waiting' for a spouse or watching endless TV like his anecdotes suggest. Also, his literalist interpretation of Song of Songs felt a bit forced, especially regarding the 'mare' and 'chambers' metaphors. While I appreciate his call to pursue God first, the gendered stereotypes were hard to ignore. It’s a decent starting point for college students, but for those of us further along in life, it lacks nuance.

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Questions about this book

Ben Stuart argues that Christians love well only when they first feel secure in God’s love. From that security he gives each stage of life a purpose: singleness as time for undistracted devotion, dating as a careful search for a companion judged on character and chemistry, engagement as preparation for marriage, and marriage as a shared mission to pursue God.

Stuart calls singleness a gift, like socks that seem dull at Christmas but prove their worth later. It offers freedom from distraction and from the worries marriage brings. He cautions against squandering this time, pointing to research showing that by the age of 21 the typical young adult has played video games for about 10,000 hours, and he proposes volunteering, studying, praying and serving in a church community instead.

He looks at character and chemistry together. Character means a living faith, shared core Christian beliefs, wisdom and love. Chemistry covers a shared spiritual worldview, enjoying time together beyond romance, physical and emotional attraction, and fit on work and lifestyle. He warns against shopping for a partner by wish list and urges a companion mindset focused on what you can give.

Stuart says engagement is mainly for preparing a marriage. He suggests testing four areas: commitment, communication, honesty about past and present struggles, and advice from mentors. Couples should also get to know each other’s families and friends, agree on debt, earning, giving and saving, and check that their dreams point in the same direction.

It suits Christians at any stage of love: singles wondering how to use their time, daters unsure how to judge a partner, engaged couples planning more than a ceremony, and spouses looking for a shared purpose. Readers who want Bible-based teaching, including a traditional view of roles for husbands and wives, will find it most useful.

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Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

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