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13 min 33 sec
Available in:English

We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions

Shows how to rewrite the painful questions people ask about identity, meaning, uncertainty, worth and fear into kinder, more useful ones. The new questions turn shame into curiosity and replace paralysis with small steps forward.

Table of Content

Asking yourself why you are like this, or whether you are enough, can feel like the problem. Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle suggest the question might be the real problem. In We Can Do Hard Things, the three co-hosts of the podcast of the same name take the questions people ask in their worst moments and show how a small change of wording turns shame into curiosity. Asking why you are like this puts you on trial. Asking what you are protecting lets you look for an explanation.

The book is built around life’s twenty questions, like the childhood guessing game. Here, the hidden thing is you. The authors’ central idea is that the questions that hurt most can shape you once you learn to ask them better. It covers identity, meaning, uncertainty, worth and fear, and in each area a painful question gets a more useful replacement. The result is a set of new questions for the three in the morning moments.

A woman who learned as a child to disappear still apologizes for her opinions at work, decades later. The authors read her habit very differently from the way she does, and the difference starts with one question.

A man works two jobs, coaches Little League and cares for his aging mother. At forty-three he learns he has cancer, and he searches his past for what he did wrong. The authors explain why that hurts and what to ask instead.

One man spent three years in a job that was hurting him, waiting for a feeling that never came. What he finally understood about readiness applies to every stalled decision.

A woman in her twenties held her life up against her friends’ weddings, homes and promotions and lost every time. The authors suggest she was using the wrong measure.

A man spent months imagining every way a move across the country could ruin him. Then he noticed that one bad outcome had already happened, and he had been living in it all along.

The book’s main insight is that the questions you ask in your worst hours act like instructions. Asking why you are like this sends you looking for a defect. Asking what you are protecting sends you looking for a reason, and the reason you find is usually one worth respecting. Lisa’s shrinking, Mishiko’s search for his sin, Marcus’s three-year wait, Moira’s borrowed timeline and David’s spiral all have the same shape. In each case, a question that sounded fair kept a person stuck. The authors do not promise answers. Their argument is that the questions that seem to be breaking you are often the ones forming you, and that the courage to keep asking better ones is enough.

The practice is small enough to start tonight. Notice the next question that makes you feel small, and rewrite it on the spot. Ask what you need right now instead of what you did to deserve this. Ask what small step you can take today instead of how you can see the whole path. When you catch yourself comparing, ask what makes you feel most like yourself. When fear stops you, ask what happens if you don’t try.

The answers can wait. Start with a better question, and the nerve to begin before you feel ready.

About this book

What is this book about?

In hard moments, people tend to ask the same few questions. Why am I like this? Why is this happening to me? Am I enough? What if I fail? Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle argue that these questions can keep you stuck, because they often assume you are broken, being punished or falling short, and that reframing them helps. Their approach borrows from the childhood game of twenty questions, where the right question leads you to what is hidden. Here, the hidden thing is you. The book works through five areas of struggle: identity, meaning, uncertainty, worth and fear. In each, the authors take a question that keeps people stuck and rebuild it into one that opens a way forward. They illustrate each area with a person caught in the old version: a woman who still shrinks in meetings, a father searching his past for the cause of his cancer, a man who waited three years to leave a toxic job. Readers get a set of replacement questions they can use in the moment, along with a gentler way of understanding their own defenses, doubts and fears.

Book Information

Rating:

Genre:

Personal Development

Topics:

Self-Compassion, Self-Esteem, Self-Talk

Publisher:

Penguin Random House

Language:

English

Narrator:

Walter

First published:

May 6, 2025

Pages:

512

Length:

13 min 33 sec

Get the book:

Amazon

Who it's for

  • Lying awake in self-doubt

    People who lie awake asking what is wrong with them and want a kinder way in.

  • Waiting to feel ready

    Anyone stuck before a job change, a move or a hard conversation, waiting to feel ready.

  • Facing loss or illness

    Readers facing loss or illness who are tired of hearing that everything happens for a reason.

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About the Author

Glennon Doyle

Glennon Doyle is an author and activist whose books Untamed and Love Warrior both reached number one on the New York Times bestseller list. She founded Together Rising, a nonprofit that has distributed more than $55 million. Abby Wambach played for the US women's national soccer team from 2003 to 2015, won two Olympic gold medals and the 2015 Women's World Cup, and was FIFA World Player of the Year in 2012. Amanda Doyle practiced corporate law, worked in Rwanda on women's land rights and served as general counsel at Together Rising. All three co-host the podcast We Can Do Hard Things, which has passed half a billion plays.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

4.1

Overall score based on 94 ratings.

What people think

Listeners consider the book's insights highly precious, with one mentioning it compiles wisdom from different episodes. Additionally, the text is elegantly composed and suitable for reading from start to finish, packed with deep reflections. Listeners also praise its soulful, comforting, and stimulating content, while one review specifically notes how chapters are organized into profound questions.

Top reviews

Wan

This book is a profound salve for the modern soul, offering a sense of comfort that few other titles manage to achieve. While some might find the compilation of wisdom from the podcast a bit overwhelming, I found the curation of these deep conversations to be incredibly thoughtful and intentional. Each chapter tackles a specific life question with such vulnerability that you can't help but reflect on your own journey. Not gonna lie, I cried through several sections because the words felt like they were written specifically for my current struggles. The collaboration between Glennon, Abby, and Amanda creates a multifaceted perspective that feels both intimate and universal. It isn’t just a book; it’s a companion for anyone trying to navigate the messy reality of being human. I highly recommend getting the physical copy to fully appreciate the beautiful layout and the doodles.

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Fang

The chapter on why we struggle to figure out what we actually want was exactly the wake-up call I needed this year. I’ve read Glennon's other books, but having Abby and Amanda’s voices in the mix adds a grounded, practical layer that was sometimes missing before. This book is a treasure chest of collected wisdom that feels incredibly relevant to the challenges women face in today's culture. I especially loved the contributions from Roxane Gay and Michelle Obama, which added so much weight to the conversation about identity. The phrase 'Your body is not your masterpiece, your life is' has been stuck in my head ever since I put the book down. It’s a beautifully written guide that gives you permission to be messy and human while still striving for something more. In my experience, it’s the kind of soul-nourishing content that we all need more of right now.

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Joy

This book is absolutely incredible and life-changing for anyone who feels stuck. It felt like a long, warm hug from a friend who truly understands the complexity of being a woman in the modern world. I loved how the authors didn't shy away from the hard stuff, instead choosing to lean into the discomfort of the questions. The formatting with the doodles and varying fonts made it feel more like a personal journal than a standard textbook on life. It’s a soulful collection that manages to be both thought-provoking and deeply comforting at the same time. I found myself highlighting almost every other page because the insights were just that good. Even the guest quotes, which I thought might be distracting, added a beautiful layer of community to the whole project.

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Landon

Picked this up because I’ve been a loyal listener of the podcast since day one, and it feels like a highlight reel of the best moments. The way they’ve distilled hundreds of hours of deep, soulful dialogue into twenty core questions is quite an impressive feat of editing. Truth is, the formatting can be a little jarring at times with the constant shifts between different speakers and guest quotes. You really have to pay attention to who is talking, or you’ll lose the thread of the argument entirely. However, the insights from people like Brene Brown and Jane Fonda are literal gold mines of wisdom. It’s the kind of book you want to keep on your nightstand to flip through whenever you need a reminder that you aren’t alone. Even though some parts felt a bit repetitive, the overall message of self-acceptance is powerful.

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Wipawan

Ever wonder why you feel like you’re constantly losing yourself in the expectations of others? This anthology tries to answer that and nineteen other massive life questions by pulling from a huge range of diverse perspectives. Personally, I appreciated how the chapters are broken down into digestible bites, allowing for deep introspection without feeling completely buried by the weight of the topics. The writing is soulful and genuinely thought-provoking, though the sheer volume of contributors can sometimes make the message feel a bit diluted. I loved the section on belonging and how it requires us to be our authentic selves rather than conforming to fit in. While I didn't agree with every single viewpoint presented, the diversity of thought is exactly what makes this collection so valuable. It’s a beautiful resource for anyone seeking a bit of guidance through the harder seasons of life.

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Mason

After hearing so many people talk about this book on social media, I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about. It is a very wordy book, but the quality of the insights makes it worth the time it takes to process everything. The authors tackle tough subjects like sobriety, identity, and boundaries with a level of honesty that is both refreshing and challenging. I found the section on 'returning to yourself' particularly impactful, as it offered practical ways to reconnect with my own desires. My only real gripe is that the tone can get a bit 'preachy' and repetitive toward the end of the longer chapters. Still, the overall message is one of empowerment and resilience that stays with you long after you close the cover. It’s a solid 4-star read for anyone in the middle of a personal transition.

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Fah

Finally got around to reading this, and I have to say, the structure grew on me after a few chapters. At first, the multiple voices felt chaotic, but eventually, it started to feel like sitting in on a really great dinner party conversation. Gotta say, Glennon and her sister Amanda have such a fascinating dynamic that brings a lot of balance to the more intense emotional sections. The book doesn't offer easy fixes, which I appreciate, because life isn't actually that simple. It’s more about learning to sit with the questions and finding the courage to keep going anyway. Some of the celebrity inclusions felt a bit like name-dropping, but the core advice is solid and genuinely helpful. It’s a beautifully written reminder that we are all doing the best we can with what we have.

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Araya

As someone who prefers a structured, linear reading experience, this book was a bit of a struggle to get through. The format is a messy mix of quotes, short anecdotes, and varying font sizes that felt more distracting than artistic. Look, there are definitely some pearls of wisdom hidden in here, but you have to dig through a lot of redundancy to find them. If you are already a superfan of the podcast, you’ve likely heard almost all of this before. For a newcomer, the constant jumping between Glennon, Abby, and Amanda—plus all the celebrity guests—can feel disjointed and confusing. I think it would have worked much better as a smaller, more focused devotional rather than this wordy, oversized tome. It’s okay, but it certainly didn't change my life the way Untamed did.

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Savannah

Frankly, I should have listened to the warnings and bought the physical book instead of the Kindle version. The digital layout is a bit of a disaster, and I suspect I missed out on the visual charm that other reviewers are raving about. As for the content, it’s a bit of a mixed bag; some chapters are life-changing while others feel like filler. The authors promise answers to life’s twenty hardest questions, but most of the 'answers' are just more questions or vague encouragement. I found the inclusion of so many different narrators to be more alienating than inclusive because I didn't have the back story for half of them. It’s a nice collection of quotes, but it lacks the narrative punch of a traditional memoir or self-help book. If you're looking for deep research, you won't find it here, but it's fine for light, inspirational reading.

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Pong

Wow, this was a massive disappointment compared to Glennon's previous work like Love Warrior or Untamed. To be fair, I expected a cohesive narrative, but what I got instead felt like a collection of Pinterest quotes bound together in a high-priced volume. The structure is incredibly chaotic, making it difficult to feel any real connection to the dozens of different voices chiming in throughout the chapters. It’s basically a bunch of motivational posters in book format, lacking the depth and original storytelling I’ve come to expect from these authors. If you haven't followed the podcast religiously, many of the references feel empty and lack the necessary context to truly land. I found myself skimming through the repetitive platitudes about 'doing hard things' and 'living your truth' just to finish it. It felt less like a book and more like a long, disorganized transcript of a zoom call.

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Questions about this book

Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle argue that the questions people ask in hard moments often keep them stuck, because the questions assume they are broken, punished or falling short. Across identity, meaning, uncertainty, worth and fear, they rewrite each painful question into a more useful one. For example, why am I like this becomes what am I protecting. That shift moves people from self-judgment toward self-understanding.

The authors offer several replacements. Ask what you are protecting instead of why you are like this. Ask what you need right now instead of what you did to deserve this. Ask what small step you can take today instead of how to move forward without a plan. Ask what makes you feel most like yourself instead of whether you are enough. When fear stops you, ask what happens if you don’t try.

The authors argue that readiness is a decision, and you should not wait to feel it. They point to Marcus, who remained in a toxic job for three years because he wanted to feel sure, ready and courageous before he quit. In their view, readiness grows through action. Being ready can mean starting before you feel ready, and a bad start is better than no start at all.

The authors reject the idea that suffering is always a punishment or always carries a lesson. They tell of Mishiko, who searched his past for a sin after a cancer diagnosis at forty-three. Some events have reasons, some have none, and some become meaningful through how we respond. They suggest asking how you can respond and what you need, and they hold that pain is valid even without a purpose.

It suits people stuck in shame about their habits, people frozen before a big decision, and people who measure themselves against others’ timelines. It also speaks to anyone coping with loss or illness who finds easy explanations unhelpful. Its tools are simple question swaps that can be used in the moment, alone or with a trusted friend.

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We Can Do Hard Things

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