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14 min 03 sec
Available in:Englishไทย

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan For Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

Shows women how to stop apologizing for ambition and turn a dream into a plan by claiming five hours a week, choosing one measurable goal, building steady routines and practicing confidence before they feel fully ready.

Table of Content

Plenty of capable women spend years shrinking a dream to fit what others expect, and Rachel Hollis believes the habit starts early: boys are raised to chase what they want, girls to chase what is expected of them. In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Hollis, an author, speaker and founder of a lifestyle media company, argues that the excuses keeping women small were learned, so they can be unlearned.

Her claim is that ambition needs no apology and no permission. What it needs is a plan built from ordinary skills: making time, choosing one goal, protecting your days and practicing confidence until it holds. Her material comes largely from her own life, including years when she hid a 60-hour work week behind the image of a full-time mom, and a public failure in front of 850,000 followers.

By the end you will have a five-hour weekly test, a ten-year exercise for choosing what matters most, and a way to break a big dream into three steps you can start on now.

A toddler who learns that seeming sick brings comfort can grow into an anxious adult. Hollis traces a similar early lesson in how girls are raised, and it explains why so many dreams are dropped before they begin.

For years Hollis lived two lives, one public and one hidden. The pressure that split her in half is common, and so is the excuse it produces when you finally consider doing things your own way.

Busy parents and executives somehow train for marathons. Hollis argues the difference has little to do with spare time, and she offers a one-week experiment that shows where your hours really go.

Hollis once rallied hundreds of thousands of followers to push a book onto a famous bestseller list, in full public view. What happened next, and what a professor told her father, reframe the fear of being judged.

Spreading yourself across many projects feels safe, because no single loss hurts much. Hollis argues that the safety has a hidden price, and her three-number exercise forces the choice most people avoid making.

The people we admire rarely do everything alone, and their days rarely begin in chaos. Hollis describes the supports and routines she relies on, including a simple filter for every request that lands on her desk.

A study found that men and women apply for jobs at very different levels of readiness. Hollis pairs that gap with a backward planning method and a festival job she had never done before.

Hollis’s book is finally an argument about who gets a vote in a woman’s life. The approval habit from childhood, the urge to blend in, the guilt, the dread of failing in public: each one hands that vote to someone else. Her method takes it back piece by piece, by turning ambition from a feeling to apologize for into a set of skills to practice.

The practical start is small. Map one ordinary week and claim five hours when your mind is sharpest. Spend part of that first block on 10-10-1: picture your life ten years out, write ten dreams and circle the one that matters most, stated as plainly as a number in a bank account. Then plan that goal backward into three mile markers, and put the first one on your list as a task specific enough to finish in a sitting.

When doubt returns, recall the book that missed the bestseller list despite 850,000 followers, and the author who kept writing anyway. The people judging you think about you less than you fear, and the ones who matter will never ask for an apology.

About this book

What is this book about?

Many women grow up learning that their value lies in being a good wife and mother, and that wanting something different calls for an apology or someone's permission. Rachel Hollis argues that this upbringing, joined to an old human hunger for approval, produces a set of familiar excuses: other women don't do this, I have no time, I'm not good enough, what will people think. Hollis takes those excuses apart one by one, often with stories from her own life, including the years she hid a 60-hour work week behind the image of a full-time mom and a public push for a bestseller that failed. Then she replaces them with new behaviors and skills: an hour-by-hour audit that finds five hours a week, the 10-10-1 exercise for choosing one goal, a morning routine, a circle of supportive people and the habit of saying no. Readers get a direct, practical plan for pursuing ambition without guilt, from mapping a goal backward into three mile markers to applying for roles before they feel completely qualified.

Book Information

Rating:

Genre:

Personal Development

Topics:

Gender, Goal Setting, Self-Confidence

Publisher:

HarperCollins

Language:

English, ไทย

Narrator:

Nora

First published:

March 5, 2019

Pages:

216

Length:

14 min 03 sec

Get the book:

Amazon

Who it's for

  • Women hiding their ambition

    Women who hide or play down their ambition to fit what family and peers expect.

  • Mothers weighing their ambitions

    Mothers weighing a career or further study against the guilt of putting themselves first.

  • Dreams without a plan

    Anyone with a big but vague dream who needs a weekly time plan and one measurable goal.

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About the Author

Rachel Hollis

Rachel Hollis was born in Bakersfield, California, and started out as a blogger before building a lifestyle brand and media company. She writes self-help books, gives motivational talks, hosts the podcast RISE and runs a YouTube channel. Two of her books have reached number one on the New York Times bestseller list, and her titles include Girl, Wash Your Face and Didn't See That Coming. She is a mother of four.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

4.3

Overall score based on 156 ratings.

What people think

Listeners find this motivational work both empowering and stimulating, offering useful guidance and concrete strategies for self-improvement. The content is very relatable and listeners consider it essential reading for women, including one noting it serves as a great reminder. Listeners appreciate the author's sincerity, with one describing the text as "passionately authentic throughout," while others praise the way it simplifies goal-setting. The writing style is captivating and enjoyable, and listeners value the shared perspectives and insights found within.

Top reviews

Arnav

Wow, this was exactly the kick in the pants I needed to start the year. Rachel has this unique way of making you feel like she’s your best friend while simultaneously calling you out on all your nonsense. I loved the section on letting go of excuses, particularly the one about "not having enough time." Truth be told, I’ve been using my kids as an excuse for years, but her advice about waking up an hour earlier to claim my own space really resonated. It’s a very tactical, no-nonsense guide that goes beyond just fluffy inspiration. While some parts felt a bit repetitive if you follow her on Instagram, the structured approach to skills like confidence and persistence was super helpful. If you’re tired of playing small and apologizing for your ambition, you absolutely need to pick this up. It’s empowering, fast-paced, and passionately authentic throughout every single chapter.

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Noppadol

This book is a total game-changer for anyone who has ever felt like they were living for everyone but themselves. If the first book was a gentle nudge, this one is a full-blown roar. I loved how Rachel tackled the idea that "good girls don't hustle" and encouraged us to embrace our internal ambition. The specific chapter on planning and effectiveness gave me actual tools to reorganize my chaotic schedule. Personally, I found her honesty about her own failures and her "tough love" style to be exactly what I needed to stop procrastinating on my business goals. She speaks directly to the modern woman who is tired of apologizing for wanting more out of life. It’s catchy, it’s bold, and it’s deeply motivating. Some might find her style aggressive, but if you actually want to see results, you need someone who isn't afraid to tell you the truth.

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Den

Stop what you are doing and read this if you’ve ever felt like a "shadow of who you’re meant to be." This book is an absolute firecracker! Rachel Hollis doesn't just give you vague "rah-rah" inspiration; she gives you a blueprint for changing your habits. I found the chapter on "Excuses to Let Go Of" to be incredibly convicting, especially the part about worrying what other people will think. It’s a passionately authentic look at what it takes to actually reach your potential as a woman in today’s world. The advice is simple but profound, and her writing is so engaging that I finished the whole thing in two sittings. It serves as a great reminder that your dreams are valid even if they don't look like everyone else’s. This is a must-read for any woman who is ready to stop playing small and start living large.

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Varinee

The chapter on guilt and shame was a total "aha" moment for me. Rachel’s discussion on how we carry baggage from our childhood or religious upbringings into our adult lives was incredibly eye-opening. I’ve spent so many years apologizing for my career goals because I felt like I was "failing" as a mother. This book helped me realize that pursuing my own happiness actually makes me a better parent, not a worse one. Gotta say, her "tough love" approach isn't for everyone, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. The skills she outlines—especially confidence and positivity—are taught in such an accessible way. It feels less like a textbook and more like a passionate call to action. If you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and do the work, this book provides the perfect roadmap to get you there. I’m finally embracing my ambition without any apologies.

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Watcharaporn

After hearing so much buzz about Rachel Hollis, I finally decided to see what the hype was all about. To be fair, she makes some excellent points about how women are conditioned to seek permission for their dreams. The breakdown of "Excuses," "Behaviors," and "Skills" provides a solid roadmap for anyone feeling stuck in a rut. I particularly appreciated the focus on "Lead-Her-Ship" and the idea that we can’t take care of anyone else if we don’t prioritize ourselves first. However, I can see why some people find her a bit unrelatable; the references to nanny help and expensive vacations definitely come from a place of significant privilege. Despite that, the core message of owning your goals without saying sorry is powerful. It’s a catchy, easy read that offers tangible tips if you can look past the occasionally glossy, pop-culture vibe of the writing style.

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Watcharee

Finally got around to reading this, and I have to say the section on boundary setting alone was worth the price of admission. Many women struggle with saying "no," and Rachel provides a very clear permission slip to start prioritizing your own time. I really liked the distinction between a "to-do list" and a "results list." It’s a small mental shift, but it’s helped me stay focused on what actually moves the needle in my career. The writing style is very conversational and easy to fly through, making it feel like a chat with a high-energy mentor. My only gripe is that it can be a bit repetitive if you’ve read a lot of other personal development books lately. Still, the way she frames these concepts makes them feel very actionable and immediate. It’s a solid 4-star read for anyone looking for a boost of confidence to pursue their one big dream.

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Pong

As someone who has followed Rachel online for a while, this felt like a natural evolution of her message. It's much more tactical than her first book, focusing on the "how" rather than just the "why." I appreciated the tangible tips on planning and persistence, which are often overlooked in the self-help world. To be fair, some of the pop culture references felt a bit dated already, but the core advice remains solid. She does mention her faith and church background, but it never felt like she was preaching or excluding those with different beliefs. It’s an empowering and thought-provoking read that definitely makes you look at your daily habits differently. The layout is easy to follow, and the tone is fun, making it perfect for a quick weekend read. I didn't agree with every single thing she said, but I walked away with plenty of highlights and a fresh perspective.

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Krisada

The 'Hollis Factor' is definitely real, but I’m not sure I bought into everything here. Rachel is undeniably a gifted motivator who knows how to hype up her audience and get them rolling up their sleeves. Look, the book is fun and engaging, but a lot of the advice felt like things I’ve already read in other self-help staples. She even brings up that tired 10% of the brain myth in the introduction, which is factually incorrect and a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I did enjoy her perspective on "mommy guilt" being total BS, and I think many women need to hear that message specifically. But then there are moments where she comes off a bit harsh, almost like she doesn't account for people dealing with real-world struggles like chronic illness. It’s a decent "pre-game" pep talk for your life, but don't expect deep, original philosophical breakthroughs that you haven't seen on a Pinterest board before.

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Orm

Frankly, I found this to be a bit of a mixed bag that leaned too heavily into 'hustle culture' for my taste. While Rachel Hollis is clearly energetic, many of her assertions felt incredibly tone-deaf to the average working woman's reality. For instance, she casually mentions hiring a nutritionist as if it’s a standard life step for everyone. Her story about taking an unpaid internship to start her business ignores the fact that most people actually need a paycheck to survive. It’s easy to tell someone to "just work harder" when you have a massive safety net and a full-time nanny. I also felt uncomfortable with how she discussed weight, equating being "in shape" with being a better mother or person. There’s a lot of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" energy that borders on being dismissive toward those with mental health struggles. There are a few good nuggets about setting boundaries, but they are buried under layers of privilege.

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Samuel

Not what I expected at all, and honestly, quite problematic. I wanted to like this, but the sheer amount of unoriginal content was staggering. Rachel seems to have built an entire brand on phrases that belong to Brené Brown or Teddy Roosevelt without offering proper attribution. Beyond the lack of originality, her comments on body size and "overweight animals" were incredibly hurtful and unnecessary. It felt less like a self-help book and more like a long humble-brag about her first-class flights and plastic surgery results. As someone who struggles with a chronic condition, being told that my lack of "vibrant health" is just a result of poor self-care felt like a slap in the face. It’s elitist, repetitive, and pushes a version of "growth" that only applies to the wealthy. I’d recommend looking for books by authors who acknowledge their privilege and respect intellectual property instead of just copying and pasting.

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Questions about this book

Rachel Hollis argues that many women abandon their goals because they were raised to seek approval and to value themselves as wives and mothers first. That upbringing produces excuses such as having no time or fearing what others think. She says women should stop apologizing and asking permission, and instead treat ambition as practical skills: making time, focusing on one goal, building healthy routines and planning backward from the finish line.

First, picture your life ten years from now in detail and write it down, from where you live to what you wear. Second, list ten dreams that would make that future real. Third, choose the one goal that matters most and make it measurable, such as having $10,000 in savings. Hollis also suggests writing the ten dreams daily, phrased as if they had already come true.

Hollis says free time has to be made, which starts with taking ownership of your schedule, including television and other spare-time habits. Her exercise is to write down how you spend every hour of a full week, then commit at least five hours to your goal during the times you are sharpest. Try the plan for a week and adjust it for the next one.

She argues that fear of failure is mostly fear of what other people will think. She describes her own public miss, when a campaign backed by 850,000 social media followers failed to get one of her books onto the New York Times bestseller list. She treats each misstep as a lesson, notes that judgmental people will judge whatever you do, and reminds readers that others think about them less than they assume.

The book is written for women who feel they must apologize for wanting more than traditional roles offer, including mothers struggling with guilt about careers or study. It also suits anyone who holds back until they feel completely qualified, since Hollis cites a study in which women applied for jobs only when they met all the criteria, while men applied at 60 percent.

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Girl, Stop Apologizing

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