Acting with Power: Why We Are More Powerful Than We Believe
Deborah Gruenfeld
Shows how we learn what to want by copying the people around us. It also shows how to spot those models, calm the rivalries they spark and build your choices around desires that are truly your own.

1 min 02 sec
Many of the goals we chase hardest were never ours to begin with: we picked them up from someone else. That is the claim at the heart of Wanting, in which entrepreneur and business teacher Luke Burgis builds on the French thinker René Girard. Hired by an American university to teach novels he did not know, Girard noticed that the characters never seemed to want anything by themselves. They always looked to another character to learn what was worth desiring. He called this mimetic desire, and argued that we absorb our wants by imitation, much as a child absorbs a language.
Burgis carries that idea from fiction into careers, shopping, rivalries, restaurants and boardrooms. His case is that hidden models shape what we want, and that we only gain some freedom once we see who they are. By the end, you will be able to name the people steering your ambitions, cool a rivalry before it grows, and test whether a goal deserves your life.
1 min 48 sec
A founder about to be rescued by a famous buyer started dressing like him, partying like him and hiding his own opinions. What he lost along the way shows how easily a goal stops being yours.
1 min 36 sec
A drink order at a bar and a breakfast campaign from the last century run on the same hidden force. One simple question about who you envy exposes where your own wants are coming from.
1 min 40 sec
The richest person on Earth barely bothers you, yet a colleague’s slightly bigger salary can ruin your week. Burgis maps two worlds of models, and one of them once ended in two deaths.
2 min 09 sec
A tractor maker insulted by a famous carmaker built a rival that beat him, then made a choice his engineers could not understand. The ancient alternative to that choice was far bloodier.
1 min 48 sec
A chef raised above his father’s kitchen spent his youth chasing a third Michelin star, won it, and then picked up the phone. His call offers a test for any badge you are chasing.
1 min 41 sec
A Senegalese chef is selling an ancient grain to Americans, partly to change how West Africans see themselves. His company shows the kind of desire leaders spread, and the kind they should avoid.
1 min 44 sec
Three painters at the same easel spot look identical from a distance. Seeing what really drives each one turns out to be the best protection against wanting whatever everyone else wants.
1 min 11 sec
Wanting asks you to treat your own ambitions with friendly suspicion. In Burgis’s account, desire is never a private spark. It passes between people through models near and far, and it can harden into feuds, prize systems and whole industries built to sell us thin wants. Escaping models is impossible, and Burgis does not ask for it, since we need them to show us what is worth wanting. He asks us to choose them.
His closing image is a flywheel, a heavy metal disk on an axle that takes great effort to start and then turns on its own momentum. Desire behaves the same way. A friend’s new exercise routine gets you to the gym. Regular workouts make you want better food, and better food makes it easier to turn down a party built around drinks and snacks.
So set one good wheel turning. Write down the names of the people whose success you would least like to see, and ask what they are teaching you to want. Before your next big decision, view it from your deathbed. This week, ask someone for a fulfillment story and listen without competing. The wants that survive all that are the ones worth building a life on.
Most people believe their ambitions are their own. They chose the career, the car and the next promotion. Luke Burgis argues otherwise. Building on the French thinker René Girard, he shows that desire is mimetic: we learn what to want by imitating models, much as a child learns a language. Usually we don't notice it happening. Burgis follows this idea from his own near-sale of his company to Zappos all the way to Lamborghini's feud with Ferrari, a chef who handed back his Michelin stars, and the old Greek ritual of the scapegoat. He explains why a coworker's raise stings more than a billionaire's fortune, how rivalries grow until someone becomes a victim, and why prize systems hand us goals that leave us empty. Readers get practical defenses. They learn to name their models, walk away from rivalries, test choices against their own deathbed and swap fulfillment stories with others. Leaders get advice on shaping what their teams want. Underneath it all is one larger aim: to build a life around a few thick desires rather than the thin ones everyone else is chasing.
Professionals who reached a goal and wondered why it felt empty.
Founders and team leads who want to understand rivalry, envy and the desires their culture spreads.
Anyone caught comparing themselves with colleagues, friends or social media feeds and wanting to choose for themselves.
Luke Burgis founded and led four companies before he turned to academic work. He studied business at NYU's Stern School of Business, then philosophy and theology at a pontifical university in Rome. He teaches business at The Catholic University of America and founded the Cluny Institute, which builds programs where philosophy, work and human formation meet. Wanting, published in 2021, has been translated into more than 20 languages.
Listeners find this book exceptionally readable and consider it among the most vital titles they’ve encountered, with one listener noting it offers a swift way to rethink everything. Additionally, the work provides an excellent introduction to mimetic theory, aiding in the understanding of human psychology and the ways everyone thinks and behaves. They also value its pragmatic focus, clear definitions of standard terminology, and potential for adding more meaning to life. The storytelling and overall writing style are praised, with listeners enjoying the strong narratives and high-quality summary of mimetic desire. Nevertheless, feedback on clarity is mixed; some listeners find the text well-written while others struggle to understand the content.
Ever wonder why you suddenly need a specific pair of shoes just because someone else has them? This book is a masterclass in decoding that invisible pressure we all feel to keep up with our peers. Luke Burgis takes the dense, academic theories of René Girard and makes them feel like a casual conversation at a coffee shop. I particularly loved the concept of 'Freshmanistan' and how it explains why our closest rivals are often the people we like the most. While the illustrations are a bit small and hard to read, the core message about thick vs. thin desires is genuinely life-changing. It’s rare to find a business book that actually makes you look inward instead of just trying to optimize your morning routine. I’ve already recommended this to three friends who are feeling burnt out by the status game.
Show moreAfter hearing so much buzz about René Girard, I was intimidated to dive into his original texts, so this was the perfect entry point. Luke Burgis has a gift for taking high-level philosophy and anchoring it in the messy reality of modern life and business. The distinction between internal and external models of desire is a lens I now use to evaluate every major purchase and career move. Truth is, we are all just imitating someone else, and acknowledging that is the first step toward any kind of personal freedom. I enjoyed the 'Creative Flywheel' concept, even if the graphic looked a little unfinished in my copy. The writing is punchy and moves fast, keeping the reader engaged even during the more theoretical passages. It’s a rare book that provides both a mirror for your soul and a map for your social interactions.
Show moreWow. This is easily one of the most important books I’ve read this year for understanding the 'why' behind human behavior. Most self-help books tell you how to get what you want, but Burgis is the only one asking why you want it in the first place. The storytelling is top-tier, moving from ancient Greek tragedies to modern Silicon Valley boardrooms with surprising ease and grace. I found the concept of 'scapegoating' to be particularly relevant to how we treat people on social media today. Even though some of the logical jumps regarding Gresham's Law felt a bit shaky, the overall impact of the book is undeniable. It’s a quick read that manages to be both deeply philosophical and incredibly practical at the same time. If you want to understand why everyone is suddenly obsessed with the same trends, read this.
Show moreThe chapter on the Michelin chef who gave up his stars was the exact moment this book clicked for me. It perfectly illustrated the trap of wanting something just because the 'system' tells you it's the ultimate prize. Burgis writes with a clarity that makes you feel smarter for having read it, even if you’re new to the world of behavioral psychology. I appreciated the accessible definitions of terms like 'mimesis' which usually sound so intimidating in a classroom setting. While I agree with other reviewers that the tiny hand-drawn diagrams are a pain to look at, the content is what matters here. This book gave me the tools to stop competing in games I didn't even want to play in the first place. Highly recommended for anyone who feels like they're running a race they didn't sign up for.
Show morePicked this up on a whim after seeing it praised by some big names in the tech world. It turns out that 'Wanting' is one of the more accessible deep-dives into human psychology I’ve encountered in years. The way Burgis explains mimetic desire—the idea that we borrow our wants from models—is both terrifying and illuminating. The storytelling is vibrant, especially the parts about the Michelin-starred chef, although the book occasionally meanders into personal anecdotes that feel a bit self-indulgent. I found the 'Fulfillment Stories' exercise at the end to be a practical way to dig through the noise of social media. Even if you aren't an entrepreneur, the insights on how we scapegoat others to find peace are worth the price of admission. It's a solid four stars for making me rethink my entire Amazon wishlist.
Show moreAs someone who has always struggled with the 'keeping up with the Joneses' mentality, this book offered a much-needed psychological reset. Burgis explains how our rivalries are often born from similarity rather than difference, which explains so much about toxic office politics. The sections on how to cultivate 'thick' desires—things that actually matter long-term—provided a helpful framework for my own career planning. I did find the transition between the theoretical first half and the practical second half to be a bit clunky and jarring. Some of the references to natural disasters as a metaphor for social collapse felt a bit dramatic and didn't quite fit the tone. Still, the core takeaway is so strong that I can overlook the occasional awkward metaphor or hand-drawn chart. It’s a fantastic introduction to a complex topic that usually stays trapped in academia.
Show moreFinally got around to finishing this after it sat on my nightstand for a month, and I’m glad I did. The book does an excellent job of simplifying the work of René Girard for people who don't have a PhD in philosophy. I loved the practical approach to identifying 'models' in our lives and how to distinguish between healthy and destructive imitation. Look, it's not a perfect book—some of the chapters feel a bit like they were padded out to meet a publisher's word count. The lack of discussion on how modern advertising fuels these mimetic cycles felt like a missed opportunity for a deeper analysis. But the 'Fulfillment Stories' section alone makes it worth reading for anyone looking to find more meaning in their work. It's a solid guide for navigating the noisy world of external influences.
Show moreTo be fair, there is a very powerful insight at the heart of this book, but it’s buried under layers of unnecessary business-speak. The concept that our desires are social rather than intrinsic is a huge 'aha' moment for anyone living in the age of Instagram. However, the organization of the chapters felt a bit chaotic, with 'tactics' for overcoming mimetic desire scattered around instead of being logically grouped. I was expecting more rigor and perhaps some original research rather than just a recap of Girard’s theories and some anecdotes about the author’s own VC deals. The chapter on the suicides in Las Vegas felt like a major logical leap that wasn't backed by enough evidence to be truly convincing. It’s an okay read for a plane ride, but it lacks the actionable depth of something like 'Atomic Habits.' Good for a quick intro, but don't expect a life-altering epiphany.
Show moreThis book is the quintessential example of a 'thought leader' taking a single interesting idea and stretching it until it snaps. The central premise—mimesis—is fascinating for about twenty pages, but then the repetition starts to feel like a grueling hike through a desert of buzzwords. Burgis tries to pad the word count with endless anecdotes about Zappos and Silicon Valley elites that don't always land the point he's trying to make. Frankly, the section comparing Elizabeth Holmes to a scapegoat felt like a massive reach that ignored the actual fraud she committed. The hand-drawn charts are nearly impossible to decipher on a Kindle, which adds to the overall feeling of a rushed production. I wanted to love this because the Girardian roots are so strong, but the execution felt more like a collection of Medium articles than a cohesive philosophy. Skip the book and just read a summary of Girard’s work instead.
Show moreNot what I expected at all, and frankly, I feel like I fell for a marketing trap. This book is essentially a $30 fortune cookie overstuffed with jargon like 'Freshmanistan' and 'Celebristan' to make simple ideas seem profound. The author spends way too much time name-dropping people like Peter Thiel and Daniel Kahneman to build credibility without offering any new data. If you’ve read any modern business book in the last decade, you’ve already heard the stories about Zappos and the 'flywheel' effect a thousand times. The writing style is meandering and over-detailed in all the wrong places, making the 300 pages feel like 600. It’s ironic that a book about mimetic desire is itself a product of the very same 'thought leader' imitation it claims to critique. I truly regret the time I spent on this and wouldn't recommend it to anyone looking for actual substance.
Show moreBurgis argues, following René Girard, that desire is mimetic: we learn what to want by imitating models instead of producing wants spontaneously. This imitation makes people alike, breeds rivalry and locks us into systems with artificial goals. Once you name your models, step away from rivalries and anchor yourself in thick desires, you can start choosing what you want.
They are Burgis’s names for two kinds of models. Celebristan holds models far from us in time, space or status, like Jeff Bezos or Julia Child, whom we copy openly because they pose no threat. Freshmanistan holds models inside our social world, like coworkers and classmates. Their closeness makes them feel like rivals, which is why a colleague’s higher salary stings more than a billionaire’s fortune.
Burgis’s model is Ferruccio Lamborghini. After building cars that beat Ferrari’s, he refused to build a racing car, because he understood that a rivalry ends only when one side lets it end. The practical version is to unfollow your rival on social media and stop checking on them, so they stop feeling like a threat. The alternative, Girard warns, is a scapegoat.
Thick desires are the deep ones you never want to stop pursuing, such as time with your children or exploring life’s big questions. Thin desires are shallow cravings for awards, praise or money. Burgis sees thick desires as armor against mimesis. He suggests identifying your single greatest desire and letting your lesser wants serve it.
Name your models, and begin with the people whose success you would least like to witness. Before a major decision, imagine looking back from your deathbed and notice which choice feels fulfilling. Ask friends or colleagues for fulfillment stories and share your own. If you lead others, center the mission on a goal beyond yourself and let truth travel fast.
Deborah Gruenfeld
Anthony Pratkanis
William B. Irvine
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