A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Toward What Matters
Steven C. Hayes
A reporter's close look at psychedelic healing: how ayahuasca reshaped his own life, and how retreats that promise miracles can leave others in debt, in psychosis or assaulted.

1 min 08 sec
If antidepressants left you numb or therapy never reached the emptiness, a psychedelic retreat can start to look like the last door left open. In Trippy, New York Times correspondent Ernesto Londoño reports that the door does open, sometimes onto real insight and sometimes onto debt, breakdown or assault. His own case shows the upside: one stronger dose of ayahuasca at a Brazilian retreat flooded him with memories that changed how he saw his past, and his blood pressure later returned to normal without pills.
The same reporting carries the warning. Londoño followed an army veteran into an illegal ceremony in Texas, sat through sales pitches at a luxury center in Costa Rica and heard from women abused deep in the Amazon. His reporting suggests these substances can help some people see what they need, while for others, even at the same retreat, the outcome is hard to predict. Listen through and you will know what a good outcome looks like, which warning signs to take seriously, and why insight is a more realistic hope than a cure.
1 min 57 sec
An army veteran who had tried the usual treatments walked into a stranger’s house in Texas, ready to inhale snuff and accept small burns on his arm. His reasons say a lot about a wider crisis.
2 min 13 sec
A successful foreign correspondent booked a jungle retreat in the middle of a sleepless night, then spent his first days there unimpressed and sick. Something changed on a later night, and it reached far beyond the ceremony.
1 min 40 sec
One Costa Rican center promises every guest a miracle that changes their life, and many leave delighted. Londoño noticed what else was on offer during the week, and exactly when those offers were being made.
1 min 41 sec
A supermarket worker read about a celebrity’s breakthrough and spent money she did not have chasing one of her own. When the first attempt failed, the advice she got made everything worse.
1 min 59 sec
Women carrying old trauma traveled deep into the Peruvian rainforest to heal under a charming local shaman. What happened there, and the advice they got afterward, reveals a risk few visitors are warned about.
1 min 36 sec
Scientists are studying whether psychedelics could cure depression, and for anyone suffering, that word is hard to resist. Londoño’s own experience points to a different kind of hope, and to the work that comes after the ceremony.
1 min 23 sec
Trippy holds a testimony and a warning side by side and lets neither cancel the other. The same brew that brought back Londoño’s memories of his first relationship and its heartbreak was part of the weeks that sent Jenna home on medication for psychotic episodes and toward bankruptcy. The substances varied from story to story, from ayahuasca to kambo. What changed was who guided, what was being sold and what each person was led to expect.
For someone failed by ordinary care, as Robert was, the book offers a picture closer to the truth than any brochure. Hope is reasonable: many people Londoño met say their lives were transformed, and scientists are studying these substances seriously. Caution is just as reasonable.
The reporting supports a few habits of mind. Treat a guaranteed miracle, or any offer made while you are under the influence, as a reason to leave. Be most careful of arrangements that leave you alone and altered with one powerful healer far from home. And if you go, go looking for understanding, with a plan for what you will do with it, the way Londoño turned his into meditation and a search for connection.
He started out hunting for a miracle at four in the morning. What he found was smaller and lasted: a husband, a meditation practice and peace.
For many people, antidepressants and talk therapy have not been enough, and a growing number are paying for ceremonies with ayahuasca, kambo and other psychedelics, often outside the law. New York Times correspondent Ernesto Londoño was one of them. Deeply unhappy despite his dream job in Rio de Janeiro, he signed up for a retreat in Brazil and came out with a new understanding of his past, his sexuality and his depression. Then he went looking for other people's experiences. He watched an army veteran take part in an illegal ceremony in Texas, toured a luxury center in Costa Rica that promised every guest a miracle while selling them extras, and heard from women who were sexually abused by a shaman in the Peruvian Amazon. The result is a balanced account of what these substances can and cannot do. Readers learn what a genuine breakthrough looked like for Londoño, which warning signs ran through the stories that went wrong, and why he believes insight, followed by real changes in daily life, is a more honest hope than a cure.
People with depression or anxiety who feel conventional treatment has failed them and are weighing a psychedelic retreat.
Friends and family of someone drawn to ayahuasca or kambo who want a clear view of the benefits and dangers.
Curious readers who want reporting on psychedelic healing rather than advocacy.
Ernesto Londoño was born and raised in Colombia and has worked at the New York Times since 2014, where he is a national correspondent. He has reported on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and on the Arab Spring, served on the paper's editorial board and led its bureau in Brazil. That reporting background, combined with his own experience of ayahuasca while living in Brazil, shapes his look at psychedelic healing.
Listeners admire the journalistic thoroughness of the book, with one noting it delivers a deeply balanced perspective on the subject of psychedelics. The storytelling style also receives acclaim, as one listener describes the work as a gripping first-person account. Additionally, listeners respond well to the pacing, characterizing the narrative as both serious and brave.
After hearing about the psychedelic 'renaissance' everywhere lately, I wanted a source that wasn't just pure hype or total skepticism. Londoño delivers exactly that. His background as a New York Times reporter shines through every page, providing a level of journalistic rigor that is often missing from this genre. To be fair, this isn't just a clinical study; it’s a deeply moving first-person account of a man grappling with the ghosts of war reporting in Iraq and a childhood in war-torn Colombia. The pacing is serious and brave. He doesn't shy away from the 'Wild West' aspect of the industry, highlighting the predatory hucksters right alongside the disciplined medical researchers. It is rare to find a book that feels both like a high-stakes adventure and a sober investigation into the future of mental health. I found his willingness to be vulnerable about his own depression and queer identity particularly refreshing and grounding.
Show moreEver wonder what happens when a war correspondent finally stops running from his own ghosts? Trippy is a profound exploration of that exact moment. Londoño manages to be both the skeptic and the believer, often on the same page, which makes the narrative feel incredibly authentic. He peels back the layers of his own life—from the violence of 80s Colombia to the battlefield PTSD of Baghdad—with a level of radical compassion that is rare in non-fiction. The way he discusses the intersection of indigenous practices and modern capitalism is eye-opening and deeply necessary. It’s not just about drugs; it’s about the universal need for belonging and the hard work of facing one's unmet needs. I particularly appreciated the chapters on veteran groups in Texas. This is serious, brave reporting that treats the subject matter with the complexity it deserves. A must-read for anyone interested in trauma and the potential of the human mind.
Show moreNot what I expected from a book about drugs, but it was exactly what I needed. Londoño is uniquely positioned to tell this story. His transition from a hard-nosed war correspondent to a vulnerable participant in soul-searching ceremonies is handled with such grace and honesty. The way he frames the moral conundrum of using these tools to 'fix' soldiers just to send them back into combat really made me think. It’s a brave book that doesn't offer easy answers or 'magic pill' solutions. Instead, it advocates for radical compassion and the courage to stop running from pain. The narrative quality is exceptional—he has a way of making the reader feel the humidity of the Amazon and the tension of a Baghdad patrol. It’s a deep dive that feels both expansive and intimate. This is the first book on the topic that felt truly grounded in reality.
Show moreFinally got around to reading Trippy, and the journalistic rigor Londoño brings to this industry is impressive. He manages to weave together his personal trauma—including some harrowing experiences in Iraq—with a broader look at the medical potential of these substances. It’s a compelling first-person account that never feels egocentric. Instead, his vulnerability serves as a bridge for the reader to understand why someone would turn to such extreme measures for healing. The pacing is excellent; I found myself flying through the chapters on indigenous lore and the modern 'wellness' gurus. He is a skeptic when he needs to be and a believer when the evidence (or the experience) demands it. This book is a vital contribution to the conversation on mental health, trauma, and the ethics of new medicine. It’s serious, it’s brave, and it’s deeply human.
Show moreThis book occupies a strange middle ground between a hard-hitting investigation and a raw, sometimes messy personal diary. While Londoño's writing is sophisticated, the nonlinear structure can be a bit jarring at times. One moment you are in a high-tech lab, and the next you're purging in an Amazonian hut. Look, the jumps from his childhood to the front lines of Baghdad are fascinating, but I can see why some readers might feel lost. That said, the depth-balanced view on psychedelics is remarkable. He refuses to treat ayahuasca as a 'silver bullet,' instead questioning the ethics of things like DARPA funding PTSD research just to send soldiers back into battle. It’s a heavy read, but the narrative quality is top-tier. Not gonna lie, I wish there was more follow-up on the other participants he interviewed, but as a memoir of healing, it’s quite powerful.
Show moreWow, Londoño really doesn't pull any punches when describing the current state of medicinal psychedelics. He approaches the topic with a balanced lens that covers both the miraculous transformations and the 'craven capitalism' infecting the scene. Personally, I was most struck by the sections involving his own family history and his struggles as a gay man coming of age in a conservative environment. The book is ostensibly about medicine, but it’s really about the messy process of forgiveness. My only real gripe is that it feels like three different books—a memoir, a history of psychedelics, and a news report—stitched together. Sometimes the seams show. Still, the prose is sharp and the insights into how we treat (or fail to treat) mental illness are invaluable. It’s a compelling first-person account that avoids the typical 'woo-woo' tropes of the genre. Very glad I picked this one up.
Show moreLondoño’s writing is remarkably sophisticated, managing to balance the gritty reality of a war-torn childhood with the ethereal, often confusing world of ayahuasca ceremonies. I’ve been following the news on psilocybin and MDMA therapy, but this book gave me a much more nuanced perspective on the risks involved. He highlights the scammers and the 'quacks' who exploit the vulnerable, which is a perspective often ignored in the hype. To be fair, some of the descriptions of the 'purging' and the sludge-like tea were a bit much for me, but it adds to the authenticity of the experience. The parallels he draws between these psychedelic experiences and religious faith are fascinating. It’s a serious dive into what it means to heal. While it zags a bit too much in the final third, the emotional payoff of Londoño finding peace with his younger self is worth the journey.
Show moreAs someone who prefers reading about reality-bending to actually doing it, this was the perfect middle road. Londoño writes with the clarity of a veteran journalist but the heart of someone who has actually walked through the fire. The book focuses heavily on South American traditions, particularly ayahuasca, which provided a great cultural context I hadn't considered. Gotta say, the section on his time in Austin, Texas, and the billboards for veteran treatments was a highlight—it really localized the 'Wild West' feel of the movement. My minor complaint is that the epilogue felt like it could have been the start of a whole different book. It’s a bit fragmented, but the serious tone and refusal to succumb to easy optimism make it a standout in the field. It’s a balanced, honest look at a very complicated subject.
Show morePicked this up because the premise of a veteran reporter exploring ayahuasca sounded like a guaranteed winner. Truth is, I had a bit of a love-hate relationship with the pacing. Londoño writes beautifully, but the middle section felt like a repetitive loop of different retreats that all started to blend together after a while. Go to a retreat, meet a shaman, have a vision, rinse and repeat. I also found it frustrating when he would introduce a compelling person—someone clearly struggling with deep trauma—and then just leave their story hanging without a 'where are they now' update. It felt like he was more interested in his own internal journey than the broader journalistic scope he initially promised. In my experience, it’s still a worthwhile read for the Colombian history and the critique of the commercialization of wellness, but it could have used a much tighter edit.
Show moreThe chapter on the author’s childhood in Colombia was interesting, but I really struggled with the lack of focus in this book. Frankly, it felt like Londoño couldn't decide if he wanted to write a New York Times long-form article or a personal confession. The structure is so fragmented that it’s hard to stay engaged with any single narrative thread for long. One page we're talking about frog venom, and the next we're back in the 1990s. Also, as a journalist, shouldn't there be more follow-up? He tells us about these desperate, broken people he meets at retreats, but we never find out if the treatment actually worked for them in the long run. It felt overindulgent at times, focusing way too much on his own feelings while leaving the actual medical science as a secondary thought. It wasn't for me, though the writing itself is undeniably polished.
Show moreTrippy follows New York Times correspondent Ernesto Londoño as he tries ayahuasca at a retreat in Brazil and then reports on other people’s psychedelic experiences. He describes his own breakthrough, an illegal therapy session in Texas, a luxury retreat in Costa Rica and sexual abuse at a ceremony in Peru. His conclusion is that psychedelics hold real promise for people struggling with their mental health, but carry serious risks depending on who runs the experience.
No. Londoño says ayahuasca transformed his life but did not cure his depression. It helped him see depression as negative thoughts that grow into a belief system, which gave him a kind of map out. It also led him to meditation and made him face what he lacked, love and connection with others. He later married and says he found peace rather than a miracle.
Londoño documents several. At Rythmia in Costa Rica, guests under the influence were pitched unproven stem cell treatment and costly extras, and one guest, Jenna, suffered paranoia and delusions, was medicated without explanation and later went bankrupt. In Peru, a shaman named Victor raped a participant. An anthropologist, Daniela Peluso, found such abuse common, and the US State Department warns travelers to Peru about assault, injury and death at these ceremonies.
The stories in the book point to a few cautions. Be wary of any retreat that guarantees a miracle or sells extra services while guests are under the influence. Take it seriously if you feel worse while others report breakthroughs, rather than paying to try again. Avoid being alone with a single healer in a remote place. And aim for understanding you can act on afterward, as Londoño did with meditation.
Steven C. Hayes
Leanne Maskell
AUDIO SUMMARY AVAILABLE
Get the key ideas from Trippy by Ernesto Londoño, plus 5,000+ more nonfiction titles.
