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Strangers to Ourselves: Unsettled Minds and the Stories That Make Us

Rachel Aviv tells five true stories, her own among them, to show how a psychiatric diagnosis shapes the way people see themselves. She argues that mental suffering has to be understood through culture, family, race and social pressure too.

Table of Content

When you or someone you love is struggling with their mind, a diagnosis can feel like the final word. In Strangers to Ourselves, New Yorker staff writer Rachel Aviv suggests it is closer to a first draft: a story that can steady a person or trap them. She starts with herself. At six she stopped eating and was treated for anorexia. She recovered within weeks, while an older girl she met on the ward struggled for the rest of her life.

Aviv follows five people, herself included, whose suffering never fit neatly inside the explanations offered to them. Across their lives one argument builds. Mental illness is never only chemistry or only psychology. It is also family, culture, faith, race and money, and the stories people are given about it shape who they become. These five lives offer a sharper way to listen to anyone in distress, including yourself, and to ask what a label explains and what it leaves out.

A six-year-old who stopped eating ended up on a hospital ward beside two girls nearly twice her age. One child walked away for good and the other never did, and the difference may have had little to do with the illness itself.

A depressed doctor recovered on medication, then sued the famous hospital that had tried to talk him well. He got his settlement. The thing he was really looking for proved much harder to win.

In one tradition, a woman who left her husband to write poems to Krishna was a saint. In another, she was a patient. Her children spent years deciding which story about their mother was true.

A young mother did something on a bridge that the world found unforgivable. Her diagnoses changed three times, yet none named the pressure she felt most, and it took a prison librarian to reach her.

At Harvard, a gifted student finally accepted her diagnosis and felt relief. A decade of prescriptions later, one book made her question the whole explanation, and what she found underneath surprised her.

Five lives, five very different kinds of pain, and the same discovery in each. A diagnosis does more than describe. It becomes part of the story a person lives inside. That story can free them, as Bhargavi’s double view of her mother finally did, or confine them, as a decade of labels confined Laura. Aviv’s argument is that the line between sickness and health is thinner than our systems admit, because suffering is shaped by family, faith, money, race and expectation as well as by the brain.

That gives you something to practice. When you or someone close to you receives a diagnosis, use it as a tool and keep asking what it leaves out: the pressures at home, the culture the person belongs to, the weight they carry from the world outside. When someone’s distress seems impossible to understand, listen first for what it means to them, the way a prison librarian once reached Naomi through her curiosity.

Ray settled his lawsuit and still could not say who he was. Rachel, at six, never learned the word that might have held her. Between those two lives sits the book’s warning: over time, the stories we accept about our minds turn into the people we are.

About this book

What is this book about?

A diagnosis can feel like the last word on what is wrong with a mind. Rachel Aviv argues that it is also a story, one that can steady a person or trap them for decades. In Strangers to Ourselves she follows five people whose suffering never fit the explanations they were given. One of them is Aviv herself, treated for anorexia at six. The others are Ray, a doctor who sued a famous psychiatric hospital for not giving him drugs, and Bapu, an Indian wife whom some saw as a saint and others as a schizophrenia patient. Then there is Naomi, a young Black mother whose diagnoses never named the racism weighing on her, and Laura, a high achiever who built her identity around a decade of prescriptions and then took it apart. Across these lives Aviv shows that the line between sickness and health is thin. Biology is only one layer of suffering. Belief, family, money and expectation shape it as well. Readers get a more humane way to think about mental illness, and a set of questions to ask about any label: what it explains, and what it leaves out.

Book Information

Rating:

Genre:

Mental Health & Wellbeing

Topics:

Medicine

Publisher:

Macmillan

Language:

English, ไทย

Narrator:

Emily

First published:

September 13, 2022

Pages:

288

Length:

13 min 11 sec

Get the book:

Amazon

Who it's for

  • Living with a diagnosis

    People living with a psychiatric diagnosis who want to think about what it does and does not explain.

  • Supporting someone in crisis

    Family members, caregivers and team leads supporting someone through a mental health crisis.

  • Preferring stories to textbooks

    Readers interested in psychiatry, culture and race who prefer true stories to textbooks.

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About the Author

Rachel Aviv

Rachel Aviv, born in 1982, has been a staff writer at The New Yorker since 2013. Her reporting covers psychology, medical ethics, criminal justice, education and homelessness. She won the 2015 Scripps Howard Award and a Whiting Award in 2020, and she has taught narrative medicine at Columbia University Medical Center and the City College of New York. Strangers to Ourselves is her first book. It became a New York Times bestseller and a National Book Critics Circle Award finalist, and the Times named it one of the 10 best books of 2022.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

3.7

Overall score based on 36 ratings.

What people think

Listeners find the work both accessible and deep, particularly valuing its useful overview of psychiatric history. Furthermore, the writing standards and tempo earn praise, and one listener notes the blend of personal memoir and essay styles. Listeners also describe the book as moving and appreciate the narrative-driven method, with one review highlighting its portrayal of mental health through the stories of individuals.

Top reviews

Suvannee

Aviv has crafted an incredibly haunting exploration of the boundaries between the self and the diagnosis. Through the lens of six different lives, she asks how the stories we are told about our brains actually change the way we live. The narrative regarding Bapu, a woman in India caught between mysticism and schizophrenia, was particularly moving. It challenged my Western assumptions about 'fixing' people. To be frank, the book doesn't offer easy answers or a miracle cure. Instead, it provides a deeply empathetic look at the 'unsettled' mind. The pacing is excellent for a non-fiction work, blending memoir and deep investigative journalism seamlessly. I found the writing quality to be exceptional throughout the entire volume.

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Pete

I was immediately gripped by the author's own history as a 'childhood anorexic.' To read about a six-year-old learning the 'rules' of a disease from older girls in a ward is heartbreaking. This personal stake gives the rest of the book a unique weight. Aviv doesn't just observe; she understands the high stakes of losing one's identity to a clinical label. Her profiles are meaty and deeply researched, particularly the heartbreaking epilogue about Hava. The book does a wonderful job of deconstructing the pharmaceutical industry's role in our lives without being purely anti-medication. It’s a nuanced, bittersweet meditation on why we are so desperate to label our inner turmoil. This is a rare, heartwarming look at human resilience despite systemic failures.

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Kung

Is a diagnosis a map or a cage? This book investigates how psychiatric labels interact with our sense of self. I was fascinated by the story of Bapu in India. Her struggle reveals how Western psychiatric standards can be a form of colonialism, often dismissing spiritual experiences as mere pathology. To be fair, the book is quite dense and demands your full attention. But the effort pays off. Aviv’s prose is elegant, avoiding the sensationalism often found in books about mental illness. She treats her subjects with incredible dignity, even when their actions are difficult to comprehend. It’s a rare book that makes you rethink your entire identity. The storytelling approach makes complex medical history feel deeply personal and urgent.

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Zoey

Picked this up on a whim and was stunned by the depth of the research. It’s not just about 'crazy' people; it’s about how all of us use language to understand our suffering. The way Aviv weaves her own childhood anorexia into the narrative of people like Naomi and Ray is masterful. It creates a sense of shared humanity that is often missing from medical texts. The reporting on the Indian mental health system was eye-opening, showing that there are other ways to exist and heal outside of the DSM. It’s an empathetic, thought-provoking work that challenges the idea that a pill can fix a broken story. This is top-tier narrative non-fiction that balances individual stories with grand philosophical questions.

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Sophia

Why do some people recover while others become their diagnosis? That is the central question here, and Aviv tackles it with the precision of a master journalist. Her account of being hospitalized at age six for anorexia is chilling. It sets the stage for the other studies, like the case of Ray Osheroff, which perfectly illustrates the historical shift from psychoanalysis to the pill-for-every-ill era. I found the sections on 'Laura'—a woman lost in a sea of psychiatric meds—to be a cautionary tale for our modern age. The writing is unobtrusive but sharp. My only gripe is that some chapters feel a bit more researched than felt, yet the overall impact is undeniable. It’s an essential look at the history of treatment.

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Muk

The chapter on Naomi Gaines stayed with me long after I closed the book. It’s a devastating look at how poverty and intergenerational trauma collide with a mental health system that often ignores the 'whole person.' Aviv is a brilliant storyteller who manages to be clinical and compassionate at the same time. She digs into how a diagnosis can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, especially for those marginalized by society. I did feel that the story of Bapu drifted a bit too much into religious history for my taste, but the insights into how culture shapes madness were fascinating. This isn't a light read, but it is an important one for understanding the stories that make us. The prose is consistently elegant and thoughtful.

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Hunter

After hearing so much praise for Aviv’s reporting, I was excited to see how she handled such a delicate topic. The result is a readable, almost cinematic look at the evolution of psychiatry. I especially liked the conflict presented in Ray’s story—the battle between 'talk therapy' and the rising tide of antidepressants. It highlights how the industry shifted toward a corporate provider-consumer model. Look, some sections are definitely slower than others, and the 'Bapu' chapter felt a little long-winded at times. Still, the overarching theme of how we narrate our own pain is incredibly insightful. It’s a sobering look at the limitations of modern medicine. The pacing is generally good, keeping the reader engaged through the denser historical segments.

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Ding

This book provides a much-needed bridge between clinical history and personal memoir. As someone who has navigated the mental health system, I found the discussion of 'Laura' particularly resonant. The way she describes losing herself to a cascade of pills is a reality for so many people today. Aviv writes with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment. While the individual stories are tragic, the book as a whole feels strangely hopeful because it restores agency to the patients. My only minor critique is that the ending felt a bit abrupt. I wanted more of a summary of her conclusions, but perhaps the point is that there are no easy conclusions to be had. The insight provided is worth the price of admission.

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Suthinee

Truth is, the hype surrounding this title led me to expect something more transformative. While the writing is undeniably high-quality, I found the case studies so idiosyncratic that they failed to form a cohesive thesis. These aren't representative stories; they are extreme outliers. For instance, the tragic narrative of Naomi Gaines is powerful, but it's more about the failure of the American legal system and systemic racism than it is about 'mental health' in a way that applies to most readers. I appreciated the historical context regarding the transition to over-medicalized therapy. However, I finished the book feeling like I’d read several great New Yorker articles that didn’t quite fit together as a book. It’s good, but not life-changing.

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Piyanart

Not what I expected from the glowing blurbs. To be fair, Aviv is a gifted prose stylist, but these case studies felt so niche that I struggled to find a universal truth. I wanted a cohesive argument about mental health, yet what I got was a collection of very specific, tragic biographies. The story of Ray, the doctor who sued his hospital, dragged on for far too long. While the research is clearly there, the 'looping effect' theory felt buried under too much detail. It’s readable, but it didn't give me the 'aha' moment I was looking for. Frankly, it felt like a series of disjointed essays rather than a unified book. I prefer non-fiction that draws clearer conclusions from its data.

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Questions about this book

Aviv tells five true stories, including her own childhood anorexia, about people whose mental suffering did not fit the explanations they were given. Through Ray, Bapu, Naomi and Laura, she argues that a psychiatric diagnosis also becomes a story that shapes a person’s identity. She also argues that mental illness has social, cultural, spiritual and political sides as well as a biological one.

The book’s central claim is that the line between sickness and health is thin, and that no single framework explains a mind in distress. Ray’s story shows the limits of both talk therapy and drugs. Bapu’s shows how culture can make the same behavior read as sainthood or schizophrenia, and Naomi’s shows how racism and poverty go unseen by psychiatry.

It suits people who have received a psychiatric diagnosis and want to reflect on it, and family members or caregivers trying to understand a loved one. Readers curious about psychiatry’s history will get something from it too, including the clash between psychoanalysis and drug treatment. It is written as narrative, so readers who prefer stories to clinical guides will find it approachable.

Treat any diagnosis as useful but incomplete, and ask what it leaves out: pressures at home, cultural meaning, the strain of racism or expectation. When someone’s distress seems strange, listen for what it means to them, as the prison librarian Andrea Smith did with Naomi. Laura’s story shows a self-story can be rebuilt, though her path is not a guide to anyone else’s treatment.

After a suicide attempt at 25, Laura read Robert Whitaker’s Anatomy of an Epidemic. The book questions the theory that mental illness is a chemical imbalance. It also makes the case that taking psychiatric drugs for a long time could convert disorders that come in episodes into lifelong disabilities. Reading it led Laura to rethink her diagnoses and, slowly, to stop taking her medications.

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