Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, and Advice for Living Your Best Life
Comedian Ali Wong's frank letters to her daughters show how accepting your body, your family history and your failures lets you build a career and a family without waiting to be perfect.

Table of Content
1. Introduction
53 sec
Plenty of people put off the career, the relationship or the family they want until they can do it perfectly. In Dear Girls, comedian Ali Wong argues the opposite: the embarrassing, unglamorous parts of life are exactly what make you strong enough to have both work and family. She writes the book as letters to her two young daughters, moving from a wild San Francisco adolescence to the comedy clubs of New York and the daily mess of raising babies.
One case against perfectionism runs through every letter. Wong shows that accepting your body, your quirks, your family history and your failures is what lets a woman build the life she wants. Along the way she offers her rules for bombing without shame, shrugging off other people’s labels, picking a partner who backs your ambition and forgiving yourself as a parent.
2. Expect a crooked path to the life you want
1 min 31 sec
A teenager who shoplifted makeup and crashed her mother’s car went on to conquer a field ruled by white men. Her success still came with therapy bills, and she has a pointed reason for paying them.
3. Treat every bombed attempt as practice
1 min 33 sec
Nine sets in five days in one smoky basement bar, with harassers waiting offstage. Wong kept going anyway, and the nights that went worst turned out to teach her the most about her own voice.
4. Draw strength from the people you come from
1 min 29 sec
Sharing a cramped New York apartment with six roommates would make most people complain. Wong had a story from her family that made complaining impossible, and an upbringing that prepared her for hostile crowds.
5. Other people's labels never get the last word
1 min 41 sec
A heckler in Honolulu judged her act before she said a word, and fellow comedians claimed her success was luck. Wong tried hiding who she was to win them over. It did not work.
6. Leave home to feel at home in yourself
1 min 42 sec
A speech in Hawai’i and a secret look at a boy’s diary in Hanoi gave Wong two very different lessons about her body and her worth. Only one of them could have hurt, and it didn’t.
7. Choose a partner who makes room for your work
1 min 40 sec
Their first date ended with Wong mooning a comedy club audience. Years later, a six-week film shoot and an unwelcome request from her future in-laws tested what kind of marriage they had built.
8. Forgive yourself for the boxed mac and cheese
1 min 36 sec
Wong pictured motherhood as baking, spa days and nightly story time, shaped by a celebrity’s Instagram feed. Then came a family outing to a botanical garden that she will never forget.
9. Conclusion
1 min 16 sec
Wong’s letters keep circling back to one belief: there is no hidden recipe for success or happiness. What works is acceptance of yourself, your circumstances and the plain uncertainty of life. Look at what that acceptance did for her. A girl who crashed her mother’s car became a comedian who survived nine sets in a smoky basement. A student called too hairy decided her body was fine as it was. A mother soaked in breast milk in a public garden still calls parenting one of the most rewarding things she knows.
The practical side is small and repeatable. When a pitch or a first attempt bombs, treat it as a draft and change one thing next time. When a hard week wears you down, think of someone in your family who endured worse, and borrow their stubbornness. When someone decides what you can do based on how you look, remind yourself that their opinion is not your definition. And when the lives on your phone make yours look shabby, remember that nobody else has your exact mix of thoughts, skills and dreams.
Wong’s daughters will inherit plenty of advice. The part worth keeping is that nobody has to be perfect to be ready.
About this book
What is this book about?
Many people believe a good life has to look polished: the right job, the movie romance, the calm, beautiful family. Ali Wong, a comedian who began at a laundromat bar and went on to flourish in a field dominated by white men, writes to her two young daughters to tell them otherwise. Dear Girls is a set of letters, not a parenting manual. Wong retells her rebellious San Francisco youth, her years studying in Hawai'i and Hanoi, her early nights bombing on stage, the racism and sexism she met as an Asian-American woman in comedy, her marriage and the chaos of new motherhood. Each story carries a simple lesson, and together they argue against perfectionism. Readers get a funny, honest model for living with imperfection: how to treat failure as practice, draw strength from family, ignore other people's labels, choose a partner who backs your ambition and forgive yourself as a parent. Wong's case is that women can have both a career and a family, and that accepting themselves is what makes it possible.
Book Information
Who it's for
Early-career women
Women starting careers who worry they must choose between ambition and a family.
New parents feeling guilty
New parents, especially working mothers, weighed down by guilt and social media ideals.
Held back by expectations
Anyone held back by perfectionism or other people's assumptions about their race or gender.
About the Author
Ali Wong
Ali Wong, born Alexandra Dawn Wong in 1982, is a San Francisco native and stand-up comedian whose Netflix specials from 2016 to 2024 include Baby Cobra, Hard Knock Wife, Don Wong and Single Lady. She won two Primetime Emmy Awards and a Golden Globe Award for starring in the Netflix series Beef, wrote and starred in the romantic comedy Always Be My Maybe, and has voiced characters on Tuca & Bertie and Big Mouth. Dear Girls became a New York Times bestseller.
Ratings & Reviews
Ratings at a glance
What people think
Listeners find the book exceptionally hilarious and as narrative-driven as a novel, commending its motivating perspective and useful suggestions. Furthermore, the memoir is touching, with one listener remarking it is endearing without becoming overly sappy, and listeners value the genuine and down-to-earth style. However, the explicit content sparks a range of feedback, with several listeners finding it vulgar.
Top reviews
This book is an absolute riot from start to finish. Wong writes with a raw, unfiltered energy that makes you feel like you're sitting at a dive bar with your most chaotic friend. While the humor is famously raunchy, I found the chapters about her early career in San Francisco and New York to be deeply inspiring. She details the exhaustion of running from set to set and the sheer grit required to succeed in a male-dominated industry. Her letters to her daughters are surprisingly tender, offering practical advice on everything from dating to embracing your heritage. To be fair, you need a strong stomach for the vivid descriptions of bodily functions and afterbirth. However, beneath the crude jokes lies a heartwarming narrative about family and the immigrant experience. It is a fast, readable memoir that proves Ali is more than just a comedian; she is a trailblazer with a lot of heart.
Show moreWong’s letters to her daughters are surprisingly tender and provide a masterclass in how to be your most authentic self. I found myself laughing out loud at her descriptions of the San Francisco comedy scene and the grueling nights she spent perfecting her craft. It’s rare to find a celebrity memoir that feels this honest and unpolished. She speaks about her husband with such a unique blend of lust and genuine respect that it makes for a very sweet, modern love story. The chapter on her father was particularly moving and brought a tear to my eye, balancing out the more raunchy segments. Personally, I think the 'gross' parts are necessary because they highlight the messy reality of being a human and a mother. This book rules, and it’s an essential read for anyone who appreciates take-no-prisoners women. I'll definitely be recommending this to my friends, with a slight warning about the TMI.
Show moreAs someone who has always felt a bit like an outsider, reading Ali Wong’s story was incredibly refreshing. She is unapologetically herself, and that kind of confidence is totally contagious throughout these letters. The book is fabulously funny, but it’s also a love letter to the grind and the people who supported her along the way. I loved learning about her Vietnamese and Chinese roots and how they shaped her worldview. Her husband’s afterward was a wonderful touch, providing a hilarious and sweet perspective on what it’s like to be the subject of her jokes. The truth is, life is messy and gross, and Wong is one of the few celebrities willing to admit it. This book is a loud, proud celebration of womanhood in all its hairy, gassy, and brilliant glory. It’s easily one of the most relatable memoirs I’ve read in years, even if I haven't farted in a yoga class lately.
Show moreFinally got around to reading this and my face actually hurts from laughing so much. Wong is a master of the 'ugly honest' style of comedy that feels both revolutionary and deeply familiar. Her advice to her daughters is the kind of stuff you wish your own mother had the guts to tell you. Beyond the raunchiness, there is a very practical guide on how to survive in a world that expects women to be quiet and polite. She challenges every stereotype with a smirk and a well-timed joke about her pubic hair. I found the stories about her parents to be particularly touching, showing the foundation of the woman she became. It’s a sweet, hilarious, and empowering book that doesn't hold anything back. If you’re looking for a boring, sanitized celebrity memoir, you should definitely look elsewhere. But if you want a book that feels like a shot of adrenaline and a warm hug at the same time, this is it.
Show moreAfter watching her Netflix specials multiple times, I knew I had to pick up this memoir. It’s exactly what you’d expect: loud, proud, and unapologetically vulgar. Wong manages to balance the hilarity of her 'clench my cheeks' yoga stories with very real reflections on motherhood and marriage. I specifically loved the sections where she breaks down the cultural differences within her own family and her husband’s. It’s refreshing to see someone dismantle the 'submissive Asian woman' stereotype with such ferocity and wit. My only minor complaint is that some of the chapters felt a bit repetitive towards the end. Some of the jokes landed better in a stand-up format than they did on the printed page. Still, it’s a fabulously funny read that provides a lot of empowering perspective for women trying to 'have it all' without losing their sanity or their sense of humor.
Show moreEver wonder what happens behind the curtain of a comedy career before the fame hits? Ali Wong lays it all out in these letters to her girls, and the result is both horrifying and hilarious. I was particularly struck by her honesty regarding the financial struggles and the safety risks of being a woman in the comedy club circuit. She doesn't sugarcoat anything, which makes her eventual success feel much more earned and relatable. The advice she gives her daughters about men is blunt and probably a bit scandalous, but there is a protective wisdom there that I really admired. Not gonna lie, I cringed through the pubic hair stories, but I think that’s the point. She wants to normalize the things we’re taught to be ashamed of. It’s a bold, readable novel-like memoir that kept me engaged the entire time.
Show morePicked this up on a whim after a friend mentioned it, and I’m so glad I did. Ali Wong has a way of making you feel empowered through the most ridiculous stories you’ve ever heard. Her reflections on being a working mom and the guilt that comes with it really resonated with me on a deep level. To be fair, the humor is definitely an acquired taste, and I can see why some people find it repulsive. But if you can get past the talk of bodily fluids, there is a lot of practical advice here about career and family. The way she embraces her Asian heritage while poking fun at the stereotypes is brilliant. It’s a heartwarming read that manages to be sweet without ever becoming too sentimental or cheesy. I enjoyed the fast-paced writing style and the genuine vulnerability she shows beneath her tough exterior.
Show moreTo be fair, Ali Wong is a genius on stage, but I’m not entirely sure her style translates perfectly to the page. I appreciated the insight into her marriage and the way she and her husband navigate their 'exact same amount of Asian' household. Those cultural observations were the highlight of the book for me. However, I felt like the book relied a bit too heavily on shock value to keep the reader's attention. After the third or fourth graphic story about pregnancy or dating mishaps, the impact started to wear off. It's a quick read and definitely has its funny moments, but I wish she had explored the deeper themes of identity and ambition with a bit more focus. It’s a solid 3.5 stars for me—great for a plane ride, but maybe not a memoir that I’ll find myself revisiting. If you love her specials, you'll find plenty to like here.
Show moreLook, I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next person, but this was just too much for me. I’ve seen snippets of her stand-up and thought she was witty, but this book leans way too hard into the 'gross-out' factor. Every other page seems to involve detailed descriptions of poop, farts, or various bodily fluids that I simply didn't need to visualize. It felt like she was trying too hard to be edgy rather than focusing on the actual storytelling. While I appreciated the occasional insight into her Asian-American upbringing, those moments were quickly overshadowed by another graphic sex joke. Truth is, the letter format got old quickly and the advice felt more like shock value than anything genuinely helpful. If you’re a die-hard fan of her 'Baby Cobra' special, you might love this, but it definitely wasn't my cup of tea.
Show moreNot what I expected at all, and frankly, I wish I could unread several chapters of this book. I picked this up because I heard it was a sweet memoir for her children, but it is just a collection of disgusting anecdotes. There is a fine line between being 'unfiltered' and being pointlessly vulgar, and Wong crosses it in every single paragraph. I couldn't even finish the audiobook because the descriptions of 'afterbirth' and bathroom habits were making me physically ill. I was looking for a comedy performance in book form, but this felt more like a competition to see how many people she could offend. It’s disappointing because she clearly has a compelling life story and a unique perspective on her culture. Sadly, all of that gets buried under a mountain of potty humor that belongs in a middle school locker room rather than a published memoir.
Show moreQuestions about this book
What is Dear Girls by Ali Wong about?
Dear Girls is a collection of letters from comedian Ali Wong to her two young daughters. She retells her rebellious San Francisco youth, her studies in Hawai’i and Hanoi, her early years in stand-up, her marriage and the chaos of new motherhood. Each story carries a life lesson, and together they argue against perfectionism and for accepting yourself, flaws and all.
Is Dear Girls a parenting book?
Not in the step-by-step sense. Wong offers no system for raising children. She does write honestly about how hard parenting is, from giving up her whole-foods plans to a day when breast milk soaked her dress in a botanical garden. Her message to parents is to forgive yourself when you fall short, because simply being there for your kids is often enough.
What does Ali Wong say about failure?
Wong treats bombing, getting zero laughs on stage, as a normal part of learning. In her early shows many jokes died, but by testing new material and changing her approach each night she gradually stopped bombing and found her own voice. She credits her family’s lifelong teasing for giving her the thick skin to keep going through those nights.
What is the main takeaway from Dear Girls?
There is no hidden formula for success or happiness. Wong argues that you have to accept yourself, your circumstances and the uncertainty of life. Practically, that means treating failures as practice, drawing strength from your family’s history, refusing to let other people’s opinions about your race or gender define you, and staying true to your own mix of thoughts, skills and dreams.
Who should read Dear Girls?
It suits women building a career who wonder whether they can also have a family, new parents feeling guilty about falling short, and anyone who has been judged on their race or gender. Wong’s stories, from a heckler in Honolulu to her husband flying their daughters to her film set every weekend, make her lessons concrete and often very funny.
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