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14 min 48 sec
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Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women's Pain

A memoir of endometriosis and medical disbelief that explains why women's pain is so often dismissed, from unstudied bodies to the all-in-your-head reflex, and how patients can research, compare notes and get heard.

Table of Content

If you have ever left a doctor’s office certain your pain was real and unsure anyone believed you, Abby Norman’s story will sound familiar. In Ask Me About My Uterus, the writer and patient advocate shows that this disbelief is no accident: medicine long treated men as the default human and read women’s suffering as nerves. Norman was a 19-year-old scholarship student when a stabbing pain began that would cost her an education, a relationship and years of health, while doctor after doctor shrugged.

The argument is plain. Women’s pain goes unbelieved because their bodies have gone unstudied, and the way back starts with patients who research, compare notes and refuse to stay silent. Follow her story and the larger record around it, and the next dismissive appointment, yours or a loved one’s, becomes easier to recognize and to challenge.

A college student steps into the shower on an ordinary morning and walks out into a different life. The pain was only the first problem; what kept her from help for a week was something else entirely.

Antibiotics, cranberry juice, a guess based on age and a surgery that left the problem in place. Each step looked like care. Together they reveal a pattern any patient can learn to notice.

A disease affecting millions of women still rests on a theory from the 1920s that no one has proved. Where its patches have turned up makes that old explanation look stranger every year.

One of the most famous comedians of her era was told she was nervous, anxious and needed to relax. Ten months later the real answer arrived, and it explains why Norman read her memoir so closely.

For a year, Norman’s gynecologist offered little. Then Norman walked in with her boyfriend, and the appointment changed completely. What moved the doctor reveals an uncomfortable ranking of whose suffering matters.

A landmark aspirin study, decades of sports research and a look at care after heart surgery share one flaw. It shapes the drugs and doses women receive today, and most patients never hear about it.

Some women are still sent to huts during their periods. Many more live in an invisible version of that exile. Norman’s response began with a single post asking strangers to tell her their stories.

Norman’s memoir tells how one young woman lost a scholarship, a relationship and years of health. It also explains why. A disease affecting millions still rests on a theory from the 1920s that has never been proved or disproved. Studies left women out, so drugs and doses were set around men. And where the data ran thin, doctors filled the silence with stories about nerves, stress and sex lives, the same stories that cost Gilda Radner her chance at treatment.

What Norman offers is not a cure, because none exists yet, but a way to be believed. She read the research herself and found the name her doctors had missed. She questioned a surgery that put her fertility ahead of her pain. She gathered other women’s experiences until they became a record.

Those habits travel. Notice when a physical complaint is answered with a comment about your mood or your private life. Ask what is actually known about a condition, and who was studied to learn it. And if you live with pain no one can explain, look for others who share it, because their stories may be the proof your own was missing.

The red tent is coming down because the women inside it have started talking to each other.

About this book

What is this book about?

At 19, Abby Norman was a scholarship student in New York when a sudden, stabbing pain took over her body. Over the next year, doctor after doctor guessed, shrugged or suggested the problem was in her head. She lost her place at college, then much more, before her own reading led her to the disease behind it: endometriosis. Norman tells her story alongside a wider record of how medicine treats women. She shows how little is known about a condition affecting millions, how research has long left women out, and how doctors have read female pain as anxiety, the same reflex that delayed comedian Gilda Radner's cancer diagnosis until it was too late. Readers get a clear picture of the patterns behind dismissive care: assumptions about sex and stress, decisions that put fertility or a partner's needs ahead of a patient's pain, and studies built around men. They also learn about Norman's response, which is a web-based community with more than 10,000 contributors and readers, where people living with endometriosis can make themselves heard.

Book Information

Rating:

Genre:

Biographies & Memoirs, Health & Nutrition

Topics:

Gender, Medicine, Women’s Health

Publisher:

Hachette

Language:

English

Narrator:

Robert

First published:

March 6, 2018

Pages:

304

Length:

14 min 48 sec

Get the book:

Amazon

Who it's for

  • Women feeling medically unheard

    Women living with chronic pelvic or menstrual pain who feel unheard by doctors.

  • Family and friends

    Partners, parents and friends who want to support someone whose illness keeps being dismissed.

  • Curious about research gaps

    Readers curious about how gaps in medical research shape the care women receive.

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About the Author

Abby Norman

Abby Norman is a writer and editor based in New England whose articles have appeared in Harper's, The Independent, Literary Hub and The Rumpus, and who hosted the podcast Let Me Google That. She advocates for patients with endometriosis, has spoken at Stanford University's Medicine X conference and at Endometriosis Foundation of America events, and in 2019 co-authored a paper on research gaps and unmet needs in endometriosis in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

4.7

Overall score based on 34 ratings.

What people think

Listeners highly recommend this work for women, praising its absorbing personal narrative and exceptional writing. They value the medical insights shared, with one listener noting the research on sexism in medicine and another emphasizing its usefulness for those dealing with endometriosis. Listeners characterize the book as an inspiring, moving page-turner that resonates deeply. However, there is mixed feedback regarding its pacing.

Top reviews

Uraiwan

As someone who has struggled with endometriosis for a decade, this book felt like a literal lifeline. Norman captures the specific, knife-like agony of pelvic pain in a way that is almost physical. She doesn't just tell her story; she exposes the systemic sexism that defines the female experience in the exam room. To be fair, it is a heavy read, especially the parts about her mother’s illness and her own traumatic upbringing, but that context explains her resilience. The way she taught herself to navigate medical journals while working as a clerk is truly inspiring. I found myself highlighting entire pages of her research. It's a brilliant blend of memoir and manifesto. If you have ever been told your pain is 'all in your head,' you need this book on your shelf immediately. It is a page-turner that touches the heart deeply while arming you with knowledge.

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Claire

Wow, Abby Norman really went there. This isn’t just a book; it’s a roar of defiance against a system that treats being a woman as a pre-existing condition. The research she presents on how drugs aren't tested on female cycles is eye-opening. I loved how she used her job as a medical clerk to become her own advocate. It shows that we have to be our own detectives when the experts fail us. Her story of leaving Sarah Lawrence because she was too sick to function is heartbreaking, yet her path forward is so courageous. Sentences are punchy, raw, and filled with a dark humor that I really appreciated. Not gonna lie, I cried during the chapter where she discusses the dismissal she faced from male doctors. This is a must-read for anyone with a uterus and everyone who provides care for one. It's an empowering, captivating life story that refuses to be silenced.

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Prayoon

Picked this up on a whim and couldn't put it down until I finished it at 2 AM. Norman’s voice is so authentic and relatable. She describes the 'all in your head' trope with such sharp wit that you can’t help but cheer for her as she fights back. The book is a masterclass in patient advocacy. I was particularly moved by her transition from a struggling student to a self-taught medical researcher. It’s inspiring to see someone take so much agency in a situation where they were initially powerless. The writing is brilliant and the medical history is shocking. Every woman should read this.

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Darawan

I've been recommending this to every person I know since I turned the last page. Norman’s ability to turn her own medical tragedy into a tool for advocacy is remarkable. The book is a brilliant mixture of cold, hard medical facts and raw, emotional storytelling. I was fascinated by her time as a clerk and how she used that access to save her own life. It’s a harrowing reminder that the 'patient-as-reliable-narrator' is a concept still missing from many doctors' offices. The prose is lively and the sentiment is deeply moving. She doesn't just ask us about her uterus; she demands that we look at the entire history of how women have been treated by science. It’s a brave, necessary, and ultimately very inspiring piece of nonfiction. Truly a page-turner that touches hearts deeply while providing a wealth of knowledge.

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Pot

Finally got around to reading this after seeing it recommended in several chronic illness groups. Abby Norman’s journey from a Sarah Lawrence student to a medical records clerk is nothing short of harrowing. It’s a vivid illustration of how the medical system fails when a patient doesn’t fit a neat diagnostic box. I was particularly struck by the descriptions of her 'chocolate cyst' and the sheer grit it took to research her own symptoms when doctors shrugged their shoulders. While her prose is engaging and her voice is sharp, the book does occasionally meander into long-winded sections about her childhood that felt a bit disconnected from the primary medical narrative. Truth is, the pacing slows down in the middle, but the historical context regarding how 'hysteria' has been used to silence women for centuries makes it worth the read. It’s a powerful, necessary look at medical gaslighting that left me feeling both angry and deeply validated.

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Kanchana

The chapter on Gilda Radner broke my heart and perfectly illustrated the book’s core argument. Norman meticulously weaves her own suffering into a larger tapestry of medical sexism. I found the sections where she researches her own anatomy—discovering her misplaced large intestine—to be fascinating and terrifying. It’s a testament to her intelligence. The book is written with a very personal, conversational tone that makes you feel like you're sitting across from her at a coffee shop. In my experience, memoirs about chronic illness can sometimes feel hopeless, but Norman’s drive to find answers provides a sense of forward motion. My only gripe is that she occasionally uses five words when one would do, leading to some repetitive phrasing in the later chapters. Despite the slightly uneven pace, the medical knowledge she shares is invaluable for patients and practitioners alike. It’s a compelling call to action for better diagnostics and more empathy.

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Arm

After hearing about Norman's journey, I felt a mix of rage and validation. The way she describes the medical establishment’s view of the uterus—as a source of mystery and 'hysteria'—is spot on. She does a great job of explaining complex issues like the 28-day cycle myth and the lack of clinical trials for women. Her personal story of losing her dancer’s body and her place at university is told with such honesty. I appreciated her acknowledgement of her own privilege as a cis white woman, while still pointing out the universal flaws in how we treat pain. Some parts were a bit repetitive, especially regarding her family dynamics, but the overall message is too vital to ignore. It’s a page-turner that will make you want to demand better care for yourself and the women in your life. A very solid, enlightening read.

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Big

Ever wonder why it takes an average of seven years to get an endometriosis diagnosis? Norman attempts to answer this through her own medical nightmare. The beginning of the book, detailing her sudden collapse at university and the subsequent 'chocolate cyst' surgery, is gripping. She captures the desperation of being a young woman whose life is derailed by an invisible, misunderstood disease. However, the book struggles with its identity. Is it a memoir about an abusive childhood, or is it a critique of the healthcare system? By trying to be both, it loses its momentum. Personally, I found the medical history segments the most compelling, especially the horrifying details of how the pain scale was developed. The writing is colloquial and lively, which makes the medical jargon accessible, but the lack of structure made it hard to stay engaged. It’s an okay read, but I wish it stayed more focused on the 'quest' promised in the title.

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Woramet

This book desperately needed a stronger editor’s touch to trim the fat. While I applaud Norman’s perseverance in the face of such debilitating pain, the writing is unfortunately prone to rambling tangents that often lead nowhere. I expected a focused investigation into why doctors ignore women’s pain, but what I got was a very disorganized memoir that spent way too much time on her childhood trauma. The connection between her mother’s eating disorder and her own endometriosis felt tenuous and was repeated far too often. Frankly, I grew frustrated by the imprecise diction and the way the narrative jumped around chronologically. There are nuggets of fascinating medical history here, like the sections on Freud and Gilda Radner, but they are buried under layers of repetitive personal anecdotes. It was a slog to finish the last fifty pages, which is a shame because the subject matter is incredibly vital.

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Varinee

Look, I really wanted to love this because the topic is so important, but the execution was lacking. The title suggests a broad look at women's pain, but the book is almost entirely focused on Norman’s specific, very unique childhood trauma. While I feel for her, the large swathes of text dedicated to her mother’s mental illness felt like they belonged in a different book entirely. I found the medical science to be the most interesting part, but it was far too sparse compared to the meandering personal stories. Also, the author’s tendency to use 'edification' when she means 'education' was distracting. It felt like it needed a much more rigorous edit to keep the narrative on track. By the end, I felt more drained than enlightened. It's a 2-star experience for me, purely because the subject of endometriosis needs more visibility, even if this particular presentation was a bit of a mess.

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Questions about this book

It is Abby Norman’s memoir of developing severe, unexplained pain at 19 and enduring a year of misdiagnoses before her own research pointed to endometriosis. She sets her story inside a wider history of medicine dismissing women’s pain, from comedian Gilda Radner’s missed ovarian cancer to studies that excluded women, and describes building an online community where women with endometriosis share their experiences.

Norman describes it as a condition in which cells similar to the lining of the womb appear elsewhere, such as the ovaries, fallopian tubes or pelvic cavity. It is thought to affect between 2 and 10 percent of women. Some feel nothing, while others report pain comparable to childbirth. The main theory of its cause dates from the 1920s and has never been proved or disproved.

Norman points to two linked problems. Research has long treated men as the default, leaving women out of sports studies and drug trials such as a large 1990s aspirin study. And doctors tend to read women as anxious rather than in pain: a 2001 study found women after heart bypass surgery were often given sedatives where men got painkillers, and received smaller painkiller doses.

Watch for the familiar script, when a physical complaint is met with remarks about stress, relationships or your past. Read about your condition and ask what is actually known and who was studied, as Norman did when she identified endometriosis herself. And seek out others with the same symptoms, since shared stories reveal patterns that a single patient’s account may not.

It suits women with chronic pelvic or menstrual pain who have struggled to be taken seriously, and anyone supporting them. It also speaks to readers interested in how medical research and bias shape women’s care, through concrete cases like Gilda Radner’s delayed cancer diagnosis and Norman’s own years of misdiagnosis, lost studies and strained relationships.

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