Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty... . and Start Speaking Up, Saying No, and Unapologetically Being Yourself

This book acts like a mirror for anyone who has spent their entire life trying to be the "nice one." Aziz Gazipura dives deep into the internal rulebook we all carry, exposing the lies we tell ourselves to avoid conflict. Truth is, I never realized how much my "Bag of Ones"—that one person who might react poorly—was dictating my entire social life. The exercises are intense and require real courage. You can’t just read this; you have to do the work. The concept of the five-lane freeway of relationships completely changed how I view connection. It isn't a tightrope act anymore. It's a wide road where I’m allowed to veer left or right without everything falling apart. This is a must-read for the chronically polite.

Ever wonder why you apologize to a chair when you bump into it? This book finally gave me the permission to stop. Personally, the most transformative part was the exercise on writing down my internal rules. I realized I was living by a set of laws I never even signed up for. The writing is relatable and feels like a conversation with a friend who is tired of seeing you get walked on. I’ve started saying "no" to social invites without a paragraph-long excuse, and the world hasn't ended. It’s a terrifying process at first—those first few assertive conversations are incredibly uncomfortable—but the freedom on the other side is worth every bit of anxiety. My confidence has spiked dramatically.

Wow, the "Bill of Rights" section alone is worth the price of admission. Not what I expected at all. I thought it would be a generic "be yourself" book, but it’s a systematic dismantling of the social anxiety that keeps you small. Look, the transformation isn't instant. You have to be willing to be the "jerk" for a minute to find your actual self. I’ve stopped apologizing for things that don't warrant it and started asking for what I want directly. My relationships actually feel more real now because I’m not hiding behind a mask of politeness. It’s a thick book, but I found myself highlighting something on almost every page. Truly a life-changing resource for those ready to stop hiding.

As a chronic people-pleaser, reading this felt like a punch to the gut in the best way possible. Not gonna lie, I was skeptical of the length, but Gazipura’s straightforward writing style makes the psychological concepts accessible. He focuses heavily on the "how-to" rather than just the childhood trauma aspect. The section on speaking with a tone of certainty was a game-changer for my career. I used to hesitate, waiting for the perfect moment to speak, which usually meant I stayed silent. Now, I understand that my needs matter just as much as anyone else's. While it leans a bit into the "bro-help" genre at times, the practical tools for setting boundaries and handling guilt are some of the best I’ve encountered.

After hearing Gazipura’s work mentioned in self-help circles, I decided to tackle this massive volume. It is a toolbox, plain and simple. Gotta say, the concept of "Radical Honesty" and the quotes from Brad Blanton really hit home. I used to think being nice was a virtue, but this book helps you see it’s often just a defense mechanism. I appreciate that he includes specific scripts for uncomfortable conversations. However, the book meanders a lot. He tends to circle the same point for twenty pages when five would have sufficed. If you can get past the repetitive nature and the frequent mentions of his other books, the core message is life-changing. It taught me that I’m not responsible for everyone else's feelings.

Picked this up on a whim during a particularly draining month at work where I couldn't say no to anyone. In my experience, most self-help is fluff, but this provides concrete action steps. The chapter on workplace assertiveness is particularly strong. I’ve started viewing my relationships as a two-way street rather than a service I provide to others. Look, it’s not perfect—it’s way too long and the author’s humor isn't always my cup of tea. But the insight that "boldness is always rewarded" has stuck with me. I journaled through the prompts and found things about my childhood I hadn't considered. It’s an effective guide for anyone feeling stuck in a cycle of guilt and silence.

Finally got around to finishing this beast, and while it definitely needed a more ruthless editor, the psychological tools provided are gold. Truthfully, the section on the "ripest, juiciest peach" really helped my social anxiety. You can be perfect and some people will still hate peaches. That perspective shift was huge for me. The book is very practical, focusing on everyday risks and honest connection rather than just abstract theory. I do think the author’s style is a bit gimmicky at times—very "Tony Robbins-esque"—which might turn off more academic readers. However, for someone who just needs to know how to say "no" without a panic attack, this is a goldmine. It’s a concrete step toward healing.

Could someone please explain why a 500-page book needs to spend so much time pitching the author's other courses? Frankly, the constant self-promotion and the repetitive personal anecdotes about his life-coaching groups made this a slog to finish. There is a great 150-page book hidden inside this massive volume. I found the "Rights" list incredibly helpful, but getting there required wading through chapters that felt like a transcript of a Ted Talk on loop. Also, some of the advice—like the dare to interrupt a stranger on her phone—felt more like being a jerk than being authentic. Take what works for you and leave the rest. It’s useful but desperately needs a more ruthless editor to trim the fat.

The core philosophy here is undeniably solid, yet the execution is buried under mountains of repetitive anecdotes and constant self-promotion. Admittedly, the advice on overcoming the fear of disapproval is gold. But did we really need 500 pages of it? It feels like the author is trying to hit a word count. The stories about his clients all follow the same format and feel a bit shallow, like they were edited to make the "change" seem easier than it is. To be honest, I preferred the first half. The second half felt like recycled material from other productivity gurus. It’s a good book to skim for the exercises, but reading it cover-to-cover is an exercise in patience.

I really wanted to vibe with this, but the tone felt off-puttingly "bro-science" at times. To be fair, there is some solid advice about boundaries, but it’s buried under weirdly gendered relationship advice. His history in men's groups really leaks through when he talks about "owning" the masculine/feminine dynamic. It made me cringe. Also, despite being a trained psychologist, he rarely cites clinical research to support his claims. Instead, we get endless stories about his personal trainer or clients who magically change after one conversation. The book is bloated and the formatting is repetitive. If you want a deep, nuanced psychological analysis of people-pleasing, keep looking. This felt more like a very long, very expensive sales pitch for his coaching programs.