Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers: The People Skills You Need to Achieve Outstanding Results
Shows project managers how to recognize and steer their own emotions, read the people around them and turn those skills into stronger stakeholder relationships, calmer conflicts and a clear edge in a crowded profession.

Table of Content
1. Introduction
1 min 01 sec
If you run projects, you probably know that plans rarely fail on their own; people do. In Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers, Agile coach and IT program manager Anthony Mersino points to a study in which a project manager’s emotional intelligence often tracked with project success, while IQ showed no link at all. His conclusion is direct: managers who try to keep feelings out of the office are making a mistake, because emotions handled well are working tools.
Mersino builds that case in layers. First comes knowing your own feelings, then steering them, then reading the people around you, and finally using all of it to manage stakeholders and lead a team through conflict. Each layer rests on the one before.
Follow it through and you will have a short set of habits for the moments that usually derail projects: the tense review, the nervous interview, the stakeholder you barely know and the argument that needs a middle ground.
2. Treat emotions as a project asset
1 min 36 sec
Plenty of managers work hard to build an office with no feelings in it. A study of project outcomes and a sharp jump in certified competitors suggest that effort may be costing them projects and promotions.
3. Name what you feel in six words
1 min 40 sec
Feelings shift by the minute, and many of us were taught early to hide them. A simple six-part vocabulary offers a way back, and it starts with a question most busy people never ask themselves.
4. Pause before your fast brain answers
1 min 38 sec
Sometimes the reply is out of your mouth before you have thought it through. The reason lies in how two parts of the brain race each other, and the fix takes only a few seconds.
5. Read your team without carrying their moods
1 min 44 sec
A teammate says the deadline is fine while their face says otherwise. Catching that gap is one skill; making sure other people’s anger and worry don’t end up steering you is another.
6. Turn stakeholders and teammates into allies
1 min 50 sec
Project managers must win over sponsors, vendors and colleagues faster than almost anyone at work. A four-step routine and a habit of honest, useful feedback change how quickly strangers start working with you.
7. Set the emotional tone when stakes rise
1 min 37 sec
A nervous interviewer can pass over the right candidate without noticing. The same hidden emotion can wreck a negotiation between two sides of a team, unless the person leading it knows where to look first.
8. Conclusion
1 min 02 sec
Mersino’s book makes one steady claim: a project manager’s real material is people, so the skills for handling feelings belong in the toolkit next to schedules and budgets. The layers stack. You cannot read a stakeholder while your own fear is running the conversation, and you cannot settle a conflict while you are blaming someone else for your anger. Awareness turns into control, control into understanding, and understanding into relationships strong enough to carry a team through trouble.
The habits are small enough to start tomorrow. When a meeting turns tense, pause and name which of the six families you are in before you answer. When someone upsets you, say you feel angry and keep the feeling as your own. And this week, skip the desk sandwich and invite a stakeholder you barely know to lunch.
In 2011 alone, half a million people sat for the same certification exam. The manager who stays calm, reads the room and turns a stranger into an ally is much harder to find.
About this book
What is this book about?
Many project managers try to keep feelings out of the office, treating emotion as noise that gets in the way of schedules and deliverables. Anthony Mersino argues that this is a mistake. A project runs on people, and the managers who handle emotions well, their own and everyone else's, tend to deliver better outcomes. He points to a study in which a manager's emotional intelligence often tracked with project success while IQ did not. Mersino builds the skill in layers. It starts with self-awareness, supported by a simple six-part way to name feelings. It moves to self-management, which means pausing before the reactive brain takes over. Social awareness comes next, and then relationship management, where he lays out four steps for winning over stakeholders and a method for developing team members through thanks, targeted feedback and coaching. Readers get practical habits for the moments that derail projects: the tense meeting, the nervous job interview, the stakeholder they barely know and the argument that needs a compromise. They also get a career argument, since people skills set a manager apart when certificates are everywhere.
Book Information
Who it's for
Project managers facing conflict
Project managers whose plans keep stalling on tense meetings, difficult stakeholders or team conflict.
IT and Agile leads
IT and Agile leads who want practical people skills to stand out among certified peers.
First-time team leads
New team leads learning to give feedback, run interviews and settle disagreements calmly.
About the Author
Anthony Mersino
Anthony Mersino is an Agile Transformation Coach and an information technology program manager. Through Vitality Chicago he teaches Agile and Scrum and helps organizations build cultures that put people first. He coaches teams, Scrum Masters and Product Owners, works with leaders on becoming servant leaders and runs hands-on courses for teams, project managers and executives. He is also the author of Agile Project Management for Teams.
Ratings & Reviews
Ratings at a glance
What people think
Listeners find this book highly educational and value its method for addressing emotional intelligence. It also gains favorable reviews regarding leadership development, with one listener highlighting that recognizing human behavior patterns is essential for effective management. Ultimately, listeners view the work as an exceptional asset for project management professionals.
Top reviews
Picked this up during a particularly stressful software rollout and it completely changed my perspective on team dynamics. Leadership is frequently misunderstood as just giving orders, but this book illustrates how empathy and self-regulation are actually the keys to maintaining project momentum. I found the section on countering difficult situations particularly helpful when I had to deliver bad news to my steering committee last month. Not gonna lie, I used one of the suggested scripts for a conflict resolution meeting and the results were surprisingly positive. It provides a vital role for project managers who feel stuck in a cycle of reactive fire-fighting rather than proactive management. The writing style is accessible and doesn't get bogged down in overly academic jargon, which I really appreciated during my busy commute. This is a foundational text for anyone serious about the human side of the Triple Constraint.
Show moreWow, I didn't realize how much I was neglecting the 'people' side of the Triple Constraint until reading this. Most PM training focuses on the mechanics of scheduling, but understanding human behavior is actually what keeps a project from falling apart during a crisis. This book is a fantastic resource for project managers who want to elevate their leadership skills beyond just managing tasks. Look, the reality of our job is dealing with personalities, and Mersino provides a clear roadmap for doing that effectively. I found the inspiration I needed to rethink how I facilitate my weekly status meetings to be more inclusive and productive. Every project manager should have this on their shelf as a reference guide for those days when the team morale starts to dip. It's insightful, thoughtful, and incredibly relevant to the modern workplace.
Show moreTruth is, most projects fail because of communication breakdowns, not because the schedule was slightly off. Anthony Mersino has created a vital resource for project managers who want to understand the underlying currents of team conflict. I was searching for books specifically for PMs that dealt with the emotional side of the job, and this hit the mark perfectly. It offers a clear guide on how to counter the difficult situations that inevitably arise when deadlines are tight and tempers are short. The focus on understanding human behavior as a tool for successful leadership is exactly what the industry needs right now. I particularly enjoyed the sections on how to build trust quickly within a new team. It’s an empowering read that makes you feel more equipped to handle the stresses of the job. This is definitely a book I will return to throughout my career.
Show moreThis guide serves as a solid reminder that technical skills aren't everything in the PM world. While I initially thought I had a handle on team dynamics, Mersino’s framework for emotional intelligence helped me identify several blind spots in my own leadership style. The truth is, managing the people on a project is often significantly more complex than managing the budget or the timeline itself. I appreciated the specific strategies for navigating difficult situations with stakeholders who might not share the same priorities. Some of the concepts felt like common sense at first glance, but the way they are framed specifically for project environments makes them much more actionable. It is a great resource for anyone looking to move beyond just checking boxes and actually leading a team toward success. My only real gripe is that the middle sections can feel a bit repetitive if you are already familiar with Goleman’s work.
Show moreThe chapter on self-awareness alone is worth the price of admission for anyone struggling with stakeholder management. As project managers, we often focus so heavily on tools and techniques that we forget we are leading actual human beings with emotions and biases. Mersino does an excellent job of breaking down human behavior into manageable components that can be addressed systematically. I resonate with multiple points regarding the importance of active listening and how it directly impacts the accuracy of project requirements. While the tone is occasionally a bit dry, the practical application of EQ concepts is clear throughout the entire text. It helped me figure out my next move when I was stuck in a critical stage of a failing project. I would recommend this to anyone who feels like they are technically proficient but struggles to gain buy-in from their project team.
Show moreFinally got around to finishing this for my PDU requirements, and I was pleasantly surprised by the actionable strategies. I’ve read a lot of management books, and many of them are too abstract to be of any real use on the ground. Mersino avoids this trap by linking emotional intelligence directly to the daily challenges we face in project environments. The truth is, knowing how to react when you are stuck in a critical stage can make or break your professional reputation. I appreciated the framing of how to leverage EQ concepts to improve overall project outcomes and team velocity. There were some parts that felt a bit redundant, especially if you have read other books on soft skills recently. Still, it remains a solid foundation stone for any management career and provides good fodder for reflection on one's own behavioral patterns.
Show moreNot what I expected from a project management book, as it ditches the Gantt charts for empathy and active listening. It’s an easy and relevant read that highlights why some projects succeed despite technical hurdles while others fail despite perfect planning. Personally, I found the discussion on relationship management to be the most impactful part of the entire narrative. It gave me a new perspective on how to handle the 'people' aspects of my current transition to a senior role. While some of the advice is definitely something that most people should put into practice naturally, it’s a good reminder for the forgetful. The author provides a vital role in bridging the gap between hard technical skills and the soft skills required for true leadership. I wish some of the case studies were a bit more modern, but the core principles remain timeless and effective.
Show moreAfter hearing several colleagues rave about Mersino’s work, I finally dove into the text to see the hype. It is a decent read, though it felt more like a collection of reminders than a revolutionary new methodology for project success. I definitely learned a new vocabulary for discussing interpersonal issues, but I didn't necessarily walk away with a brand new toolkit of ideas. Frankly, the book does a good job of cluing in the clueless, but if you already possess a high degree of self-awareness, you might find yourself skimming. The examples provided were helpful for framing the 'people' aspect of projects, especially when dealing with uncooperative vendors. It’s a good reminder of what matters, but don't expect it to solve every organizational hurdle you face. It works well as a supplementary resource rather than a primary guide.
Show moreEver wonder if some business books are just corporate fluff masquerading as deep insight? This one unfortunately felt like it was trying too hard to create a new vocabulary for things we already do every day. To be fair, the author clearly knows the project management space, but I found the advice to be a bit basic for anyone with a modicum of social awareness. Much of the content felt like fodder for Dilbert comics, focusing on buzzwords rather than truly innovative ideas for complex problem solving. If you are brand new to the workforce, you might find some value in the descriptions of human behavior. However, for a seasoned professional, there isn't much here that you haven't seen in a standard HR training video. I was hoping for more rigorous data and fewer anecdotal examples that felt somewhat dated.
Show moreAs someone who has been in the industry for over a decade, much of this felt like basic social skills repackaged for a PM audience. I read this for a course I took on leadership, and I struggled to stay engaged with the material. To be fair, the book is well-organized and the author's intent is clearly to help people, but the information seemed like common sense to me. It felt like it was written for someone who has never had to navigate a difficult conversation or manage a diverse group of people before. There were a few interesting examples, but they were buried under layers of theory that didn't always feel applicable to high-pressure environments. If you’re looking for a deep dive into psychological principles, this isn't it. It’s more of a high-level overview that might be better suited for an introductory management class than for experienced practitioners.
Show moreQuestions about this book
What is the main idea of Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers?
Anthony Mersino argues that project work depends on people, so emotional intelligence is a core project skill. He cites a study in which a manager’s emotional intelligence often tracked with project success while IQ did not. He builds the skill in layers: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management and team leadership, each resting on the one before.
What is the SASHET framework?
SASHET is a tool Mersino uses for naming feelings. Each letter points to one of six emotion groups: sad, angry, scared, happy, excited and tender. Each family contains many finer emotions, but simply recognizing which of the six you are in at a given moment is a strong first step toward self-awareness, especially for people who learned early to hide their feelings.
How do project managers build better stakeholder relationships?
Mersino suggests four steps. Identify everyone who affects the project or is affected by it. Gather information on each person’s role, goals and communication style. Work out which kind of relationship with each of them would serve you best, then take steps to build it. Then keep managing it over time, for example through regular check-in meetings. He also recommends taking stakeholders to lunch to get to know them in a relaxed setting.
How can I stop emotions from taking over at work?
Mersino explains that the brain’s reactive amygdala moves faster than the logical neocortex, so the first defense is a pause that lets reasoning catch up. He also advises learning your emotional triggers, avoiding long workweeks, caring for your body and mind, and keeping a network of friends who can support you and give honest feedback on your behavior.
Who should read Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers?
It suits project managers and team leads who handle stakeholders, hiring and conflict, and anyone competing in a crowded field where certificates no longer set people apart. Mersino notes that PMP test takers grew from 4,410 in 1995 to 500,000 in 2011, and he presents people skills as a way to earn better projects and stand out.
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