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10 min 59 sec
Available in:English

Crazy Joy: Finding Wild Happiness in a World That's Upside Down

Backstrom explains why joy shows up in messy, imperfect lives while happiness waits for perfect conditions, and how facing comparison, fear and mortality makes room for more of it.

Table of Content

If you keep telling yourself you will be happy once the job, the wedding or the weight loss finally arrives, Mary Katherine Backstrom offers a different picture: joy behaves like a weed. In Crazy Joy, the Alabama writer known as MK explains that happiness is like a prize rose, lovely but in need of perfect conditions, while joy pushes up through the cracks of an imperfect life. Her mother, a devoted gardener, taught her that lesson over a handful of purple henbit.

MK’s argument is that joy lives inside life’s mess, so the way to more of it runs straight through the things we try hardest to avoid: comparison, fear and death. She makes the case with humor and family stories, plus some unexpected guides, from Isaac Newton and Friedrich Nietzsche to a 1980s grocery game show and a surfer paddling out past a hammerhead. What she offers is a new way to read your own bad days, and a few small habits for catching joy while they are still happening.

A little girl’s favorite purple flowers turned out to have an ugly name and no place in a proper garden. Her mother’s answer changed how she would think about happiness for the rest of her life.

We chase money and status, and we run from heartbreak and failure. MK thinks both habits come from the same mistake, and she borrows a law of physics to explain what it costs us.

One Thanksgiving, MK walked into her mother-in-law’s house with two pies and a small lie. The reason behind it takes up a surprising share of everyone’s thoughts, and her therapist had an unusual fix.

An American surfer spent months training, mostly by holding his breath, to ride one notorious wave. On another beach day, MK watched her husband head back out into water where a hammerhead was swimming, and came to see how much joy surfing gave him.

A stranger in a coffee shop pointed MK toward a philosopher she expected to be gloomy. Together with an old grocery game show, he changed how she thought about the time she has left.

MK’s book comes down to a gardener’s lesson: stop waiting for the soil to be perfect. Happiness that depends on the right job, body or bank balance keeps moving out of reach, and the effort to avoid pain ends up keeping life itself at a distance. Joy, as she describes it, is tougher. It shows up beside heartbreak, inside fear and even in the face of death, because those forces arrive together.

That gives ordinary life a different reading. A store-bought pie, a six-foot hammerhead and a ticking game-show clock are all moments where joy is on offer, once you stop judging yourself and accept the risk. When the comparing voice starts, answer it the way you would answer a friend who said those things about herself. When fear keeps you on the beach, prepare the way Jay Moriarity did, and paddle out. And when the week fills up, check the cart for canned beans.

Her mother’s roses needed everything just right. The henbit only needed a crack. Most lives have plenty of those, and that is where the purple keeps coming up.

About this book

What is this book about?

Many people put joy on hold until life finally lines up: the right job, the right wedding, the right weight. Mary Katherine Backstrom, known as MK, argues that this wait never ends, because life rarely offers ideal conditions. Her answer comes from her mother's garden. Happiness is like a rose, lovely but demanding. Joy is like henbit, a purple weed that grows wherever it finds a crack. MK writes as neither a scientist nor a therapist. She draws on life experience, humor, popular culture and a little philosophy. She uses Isaac Newton to show that joy arrives together with its counterforces, a pie she pretended to bake to expose the cost of comparison, a big-wave surfer and a hammerhead shark to look at fear, and Nietzsche and a 1980s grocery game show to make peace with mortality. Readers get a gentler way to read their own bad days, and a few simple habits: speaking to themselves as they would to a friend, taking risks they care about, and spending limited time on what they value most.

Book Information

Rating:

Genre:

Personal Development

Topics:

Happiness, Resilience, Self-Esteem

Publisher:

Hachette

Language:

English

Narrator:

Hannah

First published:

August 30, 2022

Pages:

240

Length:

10 min 59 sec

Get the book:

Amazon

Who it's for

  • Putting joy on hold

    People who keep postponing joy until life finally feels in order.

  • Weary parents and professionals

    Parents and professionals worn down by comparing themselves with others.

  • Facing fear and mortality

    Anyone held back by fear of failure or troubled by thoughts of death who wants a warm, funny way to face them.

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About the Author

Mary Katherine Backstrom

Mary Katherine Backstrom, known as MK, was born and raised in Alabama. She is the author of the best-selling books Holy Hot Mess and Mom Babble. Her video Holiday Magic went viral and was shared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and her work has been featured by the Today Show, the Washington Post and Good Morning America. She is married to Ian, her college sweetheart, and they have two children, Ben and Holland.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

4

Overall score based on 81 ratings.

What people think

Listeners describe this book as an excellent selection for discovering happiness amidst hardships, featuring deeply moving personal stories that foster a sense of connection. The content is touching and offers a fresh outlook, with one listener highlighting how it assists them in embracing the chaotic parts of life. Listeners value the genuine and relatable nature of the writing, including one individual who remarked that it feels like a hug for the soul.

Top reviews

Aisha

Finally got around to reading Backstrom’s latest, and it honestly feels like a warm hug for the soul during a really turbulent time. She has this incredible way of making you feel like you’re sitting on a porch with a best friend who isn't afraid to admit her life is a disaster. The anecdotes about her struggles with mental illness and the pressures of social media comparison really hit home for me. It’s not just a 'feel-good' book; it’s a 'feel-seen' book that encourages you to find wild happiness in the middle of your own specific mess. If you want something that’s authentically human and delightfully funny, this is it.

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Malee

Ever wonder why we’re all so exhausted trying to reach some imaginary 'happiness' destination? This book tackles that question head-on with wit and a lot of heart. Backstrom’s writing is conversational and fast-paced, making it an easy book to binge over a weekend. I particularly connected with the sections about re-entering society after the pandemic and the anxiety that comes with it. She gives the reader permission to be imperfect and to reject the ridiculous expectations society piles on us. This isn’t a preachy manual; it’s a companion for anyone who feels like they’re failing at life but still wants to choose joy anyway. Absolutely loved it.

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Lena

Wow. This book was exactly the breath of fresh air I didn't know I needed. Mary Katherine Backstrom has this unique ability to take gut-wrenching experiences and turn them into beacons of hope and humor. I’ve read a lot of books on happiness, but 'Crazy Joy' stands out because it doesn't ask you to change who you are—it asks you to embrace the masterpiece you already are. The vulnerability she shows regarding her own 'crazy' life makes the reader feel like they truly belong. It’s a beautiful, messy, and hilarious journey that I would recommend to anyone feeling stuck in a rut. It’s simply heartwarming.

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Prayoon

Picked this up because I needed a perspective shift, and I definitely found one here. Backstrom’s approach to joy isn’t about waiting for things to be perfect, but about embracing the 'crazy' aspects of our everyday lives. I loved her honesty about using a mix of therapy, medication, and faith to find peace—it’s a refreshingly realistic take that you don’t often see in religious circles. The humor is sharp and the stories are relatable, even if a few of the metaphors didn’t quite land for me. It’s a great reminder to stop comparing our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. Definitely worth a read for young adults.

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Montri

Is it possible to laugh and cry in the same chapter? Apparently so, because that’s exactly what happened while I was diving into these pages. MK isn’t trying to be a theological expert, and she says that right up front, which I found refreshing. Instead, she’s a fellow traveler sharing her gut-wrenching personal stories to help us navigate our own paths toward contentment. The 'Tour Guide Takeaway' sections were particularly helpful for grounding the humor in actual, actionable steps. While I understand why some readers might want more Bible verses, I think the value here lies in the radical authenticity of her struggle. It’s a messy, beautiful look at survival.

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Nam

After hearing so much about this author’s viral videos, I was curious to see how her voice translated to the page. She captures that same 'holy hot mess' energy perfectly here, providing a much-needed dose of reality in a world of filtered perfection. The focus on liberating your heart from the prison of comparison is something I think every woman needs to hear right now. Some of the stories felt a little tangential, but her overall message of finding joy in the messes is powerful. It’s a quick read that feels like a conversation with a friend who isn’t afraid to keep it real. Very relatable and encouraging.

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Felix

Not what I expected from a Christian publisher, but in many ways, it was better. Instead of the usual platitudes, Backstrom offers a raw look at what it means to choose joy when life feels like it's falling apart. The tone is irreverent and funny, yet there are moments of profound insight that made me stop and highlight entire paragraphs. I especially liked the chapter on rejecting societal milestones as the only path to a 'good' life. While the lack of scriptural focus might be a dealbreaker for some, her perspective on seeing God in the everyday chaos was enough for me. It’s a solid 4-star read for its authenticity.

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Wipawan

As someone who frequently reads Christian living titles, I was caught off guard by the lack of biblical depth in this one. Mary Katherine Backstrom is undeniably funny and her storytelling is top-notch, but where were the verses? The book focuses heavily on her personal journey through mental health and messy life moments, which I appreciated for its raw honesty. However, labeling it as 'Christian' feels like a bit of a stretch when the 'source of joy' isn't explicitly scripture-based. To be fair, her 'Tour Guide Takeaways' at the end of the chapters offered some nice reflection points. It's a fun, light read, but don't go into it expecting a Bible study or deep theological insights.

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Jirapat

The truth is, this book is more of a memoir than a self-help guide or a Christian living resource. Mary Katherine is a gifted storyteller, and her vulnerability regarding her mental health journey is admirable and deeply necessary. That said, the content felt a bit shallow at times, skimming over complex issues with a joke or a quick anecdote. I enjoyed the lighthearted tone, but I was expecting a more robust discussion on the spiritual foundations of joy. It’s a charming read if you’re looking for something breezy and relatable, but it might leave you wanting more if you’re looking for deep, transformative guidance. Three stars for the humor.

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Kung

Look, I really wanted to love this because I’ve followed the author online for a while, but the writing style was just too disjointed for me to follow. The chapters felt choppy, jumping from one idea to the next without a clear thread, making it hard to stay engaged. I also found the inclusion of curse words in a book shelved under 'Christian Living' to be unnecessary and distracting. While I respect her openness about therapy and meds, I was hoping for more spiritual meat on the bones. It felt more like a collection of blog posts than a cohesive guide to finding joy. I struggled to finish it.

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Questions about this book

Mary Katherine Backstrom argues that happiness and joy differ. Happiness is like a rose, beautiful but in need of perfect conditions. Joy is like henbit, a weed that grows through any crack. Because life is rarely perfect, she says joy is found by accepting its ups and downs, including comparison, fear and mortality, instead of waiting for everything to line up.

MK draws the distinction from her mother’s garden. Her mother explained that flowers are fussy and need ideal conditions, while weeds survive almost anywhere. Happiness tied to status, wealth, achievement or looks fades as soon as you reach it and start chasing the next thing. Joy keeps appearing in hard conditions, often right beside disappointment and failure.

MK cites a National Institutes of Health study finding that about 12 percent of our thoughts are comparisons. Her therapist described the self as a house of roommates and asked why MK was kind to everyone but herself. MK’s practice was to make friends with herself, treating each part of her the way she would treat a good friend.

Treat painful moments as the counterforce that comes with trying for something you care about, following MK’s use of Newton’s third law. Answer your inner critic as you would a friend. Take one risk you care about, preparing for it as surfer Jay Moriarity prepared for Mavericks. And use the knowledge that time is limited to swap low-value activities for things you truly value.

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Crazy Joy

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